We Have Some Dates : )

Okey Dokey...We finally have some news.  Amanda is scheduled to report to Vanderbilt on January 13th.  She will undergo daily injections to boost her immune system.  Then on either January 18th or 19th (or both) she will donate stem cells peripherally.  The doctors determined that because Amanda is 1/2 Nick's size they would not be able to get enough marrow from her hip bones to repopulate him correctly.  So, she will give through a process much like dialysis.  It shouldn't be painful for her, but it will likely take some Godly endurance.  She will have to sit perfectly still with both arms extended for at least 4 hours, and she is more than happy to do it.  There are studies that have been followed for the last 20 years, and no one giving in this manner has been found to have long term side effects.


We don't have a firm date yet for Nick to check in, but given Amanda's schedule it is likely that he will begin the -7 day preliminaries between the 10th & 12th.  We were told that we would know all of the details by next Wednesday...so stay tuned.


It is...and will be...well.

We Are On The Move

We are definitely moving in the right direction.  We got several calls today from the transplant team, and the wheels are in motion.    Tomorrow was originally scheduled to be just a chemo & checkup day, but now it is much more.  Both Amanda and Nick will be poked and prodded from stem to stern.  The bad news is that Nick will have to have another bone marrow biopsy tomorrow.  He just had one a couple of weeks ago, and they are very, very painful.  (Please pray for that to go peacefully - It's at 3:00.)

We don't have a date scheduled for the day -7 check-in, but we were told this morning that the biopsy (which they are doing tomorrow) had to be done within 2 weeks of beginning.  So, it looks like we are about 2 weeks out.  It sounds as if it will be sooner than we thought.

I will probably have more news in the next couple of days.  However, I will share this with you.  When I awoke this morning I heard the Lord say to read John 10:10.  How sweet is that?  Just another reminder that He brings life!

John 10:10 (NKJV)

¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

I'm so glad that we serve the life giver, instead of the life stealer!!

It is well :)

To Drill Or Not To Drill...That Is The Question!

O.K...Here are the details:  Amanda, Megan, Nick & I went to Vandy yesterday.  It was a lovely day for a round trip (torrential rains and limited visibility.)  Nick's oncologist had consulted with the entire oncology team at Vanderbilt, and the unanimous consensus was that the transplant should proceed A.S.A.P.  However, the jury is still out regarding the method of harvesting Amanda's bone marrow. 

In general, pediatric patients receive marrow harvested from having drilled holes in the donor's hip bones.  Adult patients receive stem cells harvested from the donor's peripheral veins.  Nick is technically an adult, but his age puts him in the gray area between pediatric and adult for medical purposes.   Each method has its pros and cons:  The peripheral stem cell harvest provides a more aggressive attack against the leukemia, but it also produces a greater "graft vs. host" rejection response.  So, it would potentially give Nick more side effects after the transplant.  The direct bone marrow harvest has less rejection response, but does not hit the leukemia as aggressively.  The experts are not yet in agreement about which method is better for Nick.

Megan asked Nick's doctor how they were going to decide:  "Are y'all gonna sit around a big table wearing incredible hulk gloves...punching each other until everyone agrees?"  The doctor said, "Yea, that's pretty much how we do it."    In all seriousness, I'm very thankful that those who we count as wise counsel do not make decisions without considering all of the details.

Right now all of Nick's labs look great.  His platelets are in normal range, and most of his other blood work is nearly normal.  He is relatively healthy for a guy with cancer.  So, the experts leaning toward the peripheral harvest say that, because of his current strength, he will be able to withstand the increased side effects.  The other mitigating factor is that he is not yet in remission .  So, even though the amount of leukemia that remains is miniscule, he may need the added punch of the peripheral harvest to kick the remaining leukemia's hiney.  Statistically, the lack of remission greatly lessens the chance of cure, but...as I have stated before...We do not serve a God of statistics.  We serve Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer!

What is next?  Even though the experts have agreed that chemo will not give Nick any further benefit, he is currently being treated with oral chemo to keep the leukemia from rebounding before the transplant.   We will go back to Vandy next week for chemo infusion, and the week after that for a lumbar puncture and chemo instillation in his spinal fluid.  After that it should be time to be admitted for the 7 day preliminary treatments prior to transplant.  The actual transplant should be mid to late January.  I knew that this was a big deal, but I had no idea how many details had to fall in line before we could get started.

The first 100 days after the transplant will be critical, and probably very difficult.  However, in the scheme of life...how long is 100 days?  We can endure anything for 100 days.  It will be next summer before we know it.  Right?

We have known for some time that Nick's blood type would convert to Amanda's blood type after the transplant.  However, I didn't realize that, eventually, he would carry her DNA in every cell of his body.  Nick's doctor remarked that about 3 months after the tranplant they would look like identical people on a DNA test.  He will still appear to be Nick, but on the cellular level he will be very different.

I don't think that I have ever understood so clearly how we become new creations when Jesus becomes our Lord.  We still look the same on the outside, but on the inside...on the cellular level...we are very different.  The death that was once rampant and sure in our lives is obliterated.  We exchange the DNA of death for the DNA of everlasting life.  We give up our sin nature blood type, and take on the blood type of Jesus...the spotless Lamb of God...the only "blood type" that will insure eternity with God Almighty.

Do you realize that if you have accepted the free gift of salvation you have undergone a transplant? You are a new creation...on the inside...which is where God looks.

It is well.

No Small Task!

The news as of late last Friday is that the latest biopsy was not clean, but the transplant team feels that it is in Nick's best interest to proceed with the transplant.  He has undergone nearly constant chemo since the middle of June, and they do not believe that continuing chemo would give him further benefit.  The volume of leukemia in his bone marrow is very minute.  However, left unchecked, it will likely do what cancer does, and spread once again.  So, we will soon be proceeding with the transplant protocol.

Amanda, Megan, Nick, & I are going to Vanderbilt this Thursday, and we should return with some definitive answers about timing.  As the Mom of two of the precious people involved in this transplant it is difficult on a number of levels.  Of course, Nick's healing is at the forefront of all of our mind's.  That is the number 1, most important, priority focus in all of our lives.  However, my prayer is also that Amanda be able to continue with nursing school, and not fall behind because of her sacrifice to her brother. (Amanda is Nick's bone marrow donor.)

She has just successfully completed her 3rd semester and is scheduled to graduate next December.  This will all work out if we can get this show on the road and begin the process soon.  She is willing to proceed no matter what the cost, but I sure would like for it to work out positively for everyone concerned.

I feel like the next words out of my mouth need to be, "Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine, Lord."  That really is my attitude.  God has witnessed this all...from beginning to end.  He has the big picture.  However, I also know from His word that He very much wants us to ask for what we want, intercede for the welfare of others, and not give up...all the while being willing to maintain contentment with whatever the outcome eventually becomes.  That is NO SMALL TASK.

I have had a number of people comment on the strength with which we have handled this situation, and now seems to be about the right time to bring this up.  It is true that we have had a great measure of strength that has carried us...literally carried us through our weakness.  If you had been my dear friend who called Friday evening, you would have witnessed it first hand.  The unclean biopsy news hit me like a ton of bricks.  So, at 4:00 p.m. I just gave up, put my jammies on, and went to bed.  I didn't want Nick to see me so very sad, and unable to control the tears.  So I curled up in the covers trying to escape.  About half an hour later my cell phone rang.  I tried to brave up, but just couldn't do it.  I answered the phone...sobbing, snot and all.  Her response was to pray, and to call others to pray.  I am so thankful that God does not let us curl up and hide for very long.

The "strength" that some of you have been witnessing has absolutely nothing to do with us.  Oh yes, we are a part of the equation, but not the strength side.

II Corinthians 12:9 (NKJ)
⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

We have definitely been walking in strength, but just let me tell you...it is the strength that God himself has exchanged for our weakness.

I am so thankful that we serve the faithful, mighty, omnipotent God, and that He gives us the grace to let Him exchange our weakness for His might.  Otherwise, we would all just be sleeping on wet, tear stained sheets.


It IS well!

The "Worm"

It's been a long last 24 hours.  Nick has had back spasms that we just can't seem to control.  Prayer, medication, heat, cold...nothing has seemed to help very long at a time.  It has been so violent at times that it looks as though he is doing the "worm."  He did finally get to sleep early this morning.  So, I am thankful for that.  It has been a long time since he has had to endure something like this.  So, we are thankful for the respite.

I am making this entry to ask everyone to pray specifically for his back pain and spasms to CEASE, and for him to be able to rest.

He has been such a trooper throughout this whole ordeal!  His attitude is still positive.  I'm so proud of him.  The grace of God has been...and will be sufficient!

It is well!

Write Down The Vision...

We are perking right along.  Nick has had a pretty good week.  He is really ready to stop all of this isolation stuff.   His white blood count was sky high as of Monday, but we think that we know what caused it.  He doesn't seem to have any kind of infection. (Which is usually why someone's white count would be elevated.)  He hasn't had any fever, and he feels fairly good.  So, we think that it was caused by a shot that I gave him last Friday.  The shot was supposed to boost his white count following the high dose chemo.  So, we think that it was just doing it's job.

This coming Thursday is the biopsy day.  I know that I mentioned it in the last post, but it is so critical that this biopsy be clean.  I sometimes feel as though we are mountain climbers.  We know that we are moving toward the summit of the mountain (healing & restoration), but it may take us a while to get there.  So, we climb from ledge to ledge...step by step...milestone to milestone... sometimes making camp, but never ceasing to keep the goal in sight.

As I was writing the paragraph above I thought of the following scripture.  I stopped writing for awhile and read the book of Habakkuk.  I have read it many times before, but as it usually does, this portion of God's word seemed new again.   This book of the Old Testament is basically a recording of the prophet Habakkuk crying out to God about the desperate situation of the nation of Israel.  They had been pummeled, and Habakkuk was letting God know that it wasn't right...or fair...or fun...or any kind of situation that they wanted to be in. (Some how I can relate.)  So, at the beginning of chapter 2 he basically tells God that he will stand watch and await God's answer:

Habakkuk 2: 2-4
² The Lord answered me:
    "Write down the vision;
       write it clearly on clay tablets
       so whoever reads it can run to tell others.
 ³ It is not yet time for the message to come true,
       but that time is coming soon;
       the message will come true.
    It may seem like a long time,
       but be patient and wait for it,
    because it will surely come;
       it will not be delayed.
 ⁴ The evil nation is very proud of itself;
       it is not living as it should.
       But those who are right with God will live by faith

At the end of the book, Habakkuk proclaims to God that he is willing to wait on God's intervention, and that he will worship God regardless of the situation.

I think that part of what I am doing with this blog is writing down our vision so that each of you can run with us.  I'm so thankful that you are running.  The goal is in sight.  Keep on keeping on.  While we wait for the vision to be fulfilled we will continue to worship.

It is well.

There Are Good Reasons For The Highs And The Lows

Once again it's been awhile.  Since my last post Nick has been back to Vandy for high dose chemo again, and he is now home.  We are still moving on with the plan...one step at a time.  This week will likely be another isolation week.  We will get labs drawn on Monday morning to see where he stands, but for safety's sake, regardless of the results, we will assume that he needs to hang out with Glenn & I for the next week or two.  His counts should progress like they did last time.  So, we know what to expect.  There are good reasons for the highs...and the lows.

On December 15th we will go back to Vandy for the pivotal bone marrow biopsy.  If this one is clean (as we expect !!!) then we will move forward with the transplant.  Hopefully we will start with day -7 before Christmas...or just after.  One step at a time...

I am not decorating for Christmas this year, and we are really not planning to do many Christmasy type things.  We ARE planning to play a rousing game of "Dirty Santa" with the family, but other than that we are not really exchanging gifts or anything else of that nature.  We really do not know where we will be on the day that we celebrate Christ's Birthday, but what we do know is that, by the grace of God, we will all be together...whether that be here or Vandy or somewhere else entirely.  Our reasoning behind this is that we do not want to have to leave a couple of days before Christmas with Nick feeling like he left Christmas at home and made everyone else leave it behind as well.  (I enjoy all of the fluff and fru fru, but it's not the important thing right now...or ever!!  I'll make up for it next year!)

This is the scripture that I have been pondering over the last couple of days:

Psalm 23

New Life Version (NLV)

¹ The Lord is my Shepherd.
   I will have everything I need.
² He lets me rest in fields of green grass.
   He leads me beside the quiet waters.
³ He makes me strong again.
   He leads me in the way of living right with Himself which brings honor to His name.
⁴ Yes, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid of anything,    because You are with me.
   You have a walking stick with which to guide and one with which to help. These comfort me.
⁵ You are making a table of food ready for me in front of those who hate me.
   You have poured oil on my head. I have everything I need.
⁶ For sure, You will give me goodness and loving-kindness all the days of my life.
   Then I will live with You in Your house forever.

There really are good reasons for the highs and the lows.  I don't for one second believe that God brought this situation on us, but I surely can see Him being glorified in the midst of it.  Just as in Nick's cancer treatment...the lows kill off the good and bad cells, but the good rebounds afterward.  During the low times our faith has been tested, but it is stronger as we look back on God's faithfulness in the midst of it.  During the times that Nick is feeling well we are strengthened and encouraged, and can, once again, look back on the faithfulness of God in bringing us out of the low time.

Nick and I were having a conversation a couple of days ago about endurance.  I was trying to help him see that nothing in life stays constant.  When we were children beginning a new school year it felt as if summer would never come...but it did.  When we were thinking about Christmas during the summer it felt as though it were years away...but it wasn't.  When we were preteens, a fairy tale wedding and children seemed a life-time away...but they weren't.  In the midst of a stomach flu or a snotty cold it feels as though there is no end in sight, but in a few weeks it is a distant memory.

Right now we are in a fight for life.  Sometimes it does feel as though it will never end, but we know that it will.  The hows and whens are not within our control.  However, the thing that we can control is whether or not we choose to stick by our Shepherd along the journey.  He has seen the end from the beginning.  We choose His sight over our own.

It is well.

You Are Loved

Happy Thanksgiving eve!!!  We have so much for which to be thankful...and so do you!

This has been a really good week...so much so, that I didn't really have anything to say.  Nick has felt good.  His counts are back up into "non-isolation" range.  So, he has had a buddy here for the last couple of days.  They have been playing a game on-line.  It is such a picture of our electronic world today.  I stepped in his room yesterday afternoon.  Nick was sitting at his computer desk with big ear-phones on his head...intensely concentrating on his computer screen.  (He didn't even hear me come in the room, and he usually hears EVERYTHING.)  His friend was sitting on the floor, not 3 feet from Nick, with his laptop in the seat of a chair.  They were playing this "shoot-em-up" game where they both had virtual characters fighting on the same team.  They were communicating with each other and their other team members by voice-over IP.  I could hear them talking to one another in the room, but they could only hear each other through their head phones.  They could have been in different parts of the world and had the same interaction.

Starting tonight - through this weekend, families all over the world will be getting together to eat turkey. (Yes, I realize that Thanksgiving is an American holiday, but there are Americans all over the globe.)  Some families will gather just because it's what they have always done.  They really don't want to, but they will.  Some will be overwhelmed with joy at spending precious moments with loved ones who they only get to see once a year.  Some will share a meal via Skype or other electronic media...half a world away from those they so greatly desire to hug in person.  Yet, many others will not gather at all because of offenses (perceived or real), personality clashes, things said in anger, unforgiveness, and a myriad of other reasons.

One of the things that I believe God is teaching us through this journey is the value of life, family, and just being together.  I realize that some of you may not have family close enough to gather together.  Some may have valid, wise reasons for not spending time with some family members, and some may be so sick...or heartsick that they can not physically drive over the river and through the proverbial woods.  If you find yourself in one of these last three categories...or know someone who is...please reach out to someone.  Make that phone call that you have been wanting to make.  Drop by and spend some time with that person that God has had on your heart for weeks now.  Invite someone who is alone to share your turkey.  (You know that next week you are going to feel guilty about how much turkey you are throwing away...only after torturing your loving family with 16 straight breakfasts, lunches and suppers prepared out of the "One Million Ways to Use Leftover Turkey" cookbook.)

Years ago, 1984,  Glenn & I lived in Virginia Beach, VA...16 hours from home.  My mom and dad came to visit, and mom said that she wanted to leave me with something that I should never forget.  It hangs in my kitchen today.  Regardless of your holiday plans, or lack thereof, I want to share my 'something to never forget' with you.  It's true whether you feel like it or not.

I am so thankful for my family and friends.  You have all shown us how much we are loved this year!

To complete this year let's...Spend some time with someone...Enjoy someone's company...Listen, talk, and listen some more...even if it's on voice-over IP and you are three feet away.  It will make a difference.

It is well.

We Are All "Pink"!

I will begin this post with with a little disclaimer:  If today's post offends you, then please pray about why it offends you.  We ALL have work left for God to do in our hearts.  So why not use this as an opportunity to get this subject settled.

I remarked to Nick last night that his color was so much better.  Last Thursday when his counts were so low he was glowingly translucent white. Last night he had "pinked up," and was looking much more healthy.   After the time that I have spent in nursing school, I could explain to you why he was so white, but let's just suffice it to say that unusually pale is a sign that something is amiss.  For that matter, if someone is more gray than usual...more yellow than usual...more blue than usual...more green than usual...or more white than usual...something is wrong, and they need some pretty quick attention.

After I got in bed, the conversation that I had just had with Nick started my thinking process.  Here in the south the issue of color has been a hotbed of controversy throughout my lifetime, and for countless decades before I was even a glimmer in my Momma's eye.  As a nurse, I will need to look for, and note a person's color, but not like you may think.  I am looking for colors that signify that a person needs my help...not for colors that signify ethnicity.   Everyone is normally "pink" underneath.  If we tried to distinguish all of the different outer colors of people's skin, the subsequent chart would be way too big to carry in my scrubs pocket, and completely useless on top of that!  Heck...there are 5 different shades in my lily white family of 5.

I have encountered much controversy over this subject in my ALMOST (but not yet) 50 years as a southerner.  My family lived in Memphis during the time that Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated, and I saw much anger, hatred, and division on both sides of the battle.  Yes, I said battle.  It was a war that, sadly,  still lingers today.  However, this war began righteously!  All men and women truly are equal in the sight of God, and should never have been designated as anything other than equal.  However, somehow the enemy of the Kingdom of God got into the mix and completely divided what God intended to be His church.  As a child, I even heard the following scripture preached with the term "unequally yoked" being translated as having reference to not marrying outside of one's own ethnic groups.  WHAT??  Did the person preaching even read the scripture?

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

God is very clear about how He looks at us, and how we are too look at one another:

1 Samuel 16:7
...For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”


This is another of those subjects about which I am extremely passionate!  About 30 years ago I had an encounter with God where I realized how deeply His heart was grieved about this division among His children.  There is such power in unity, and the enemy is still trying to keep us divided.  So, whatever your outward appearance...if there is even the slightest bit of division in your heart concerning people of a different shade...please allow God to heal that wound. (You've been hit with one of Satan's fiery arrows.) Start looking for the pink in your neighbor's skin.  Underneath that outer layer...it's just like yours.  You can see it if you really want to.

It is well!

Fish sticks & Crinkle Cut French Fries...???

Well...it's been an exciting day.  Not the kind of excitement that anyone would ever want, but exciting nonetheless.  I can, however, say with utmost certainty that my tear ducts are clear and functioning well.  As most of you know, Nick received some pretty nasty chemo last week, and was to be in pseudo isolation for the next couple of weeks.   It has gone well, and except for the first few days at home, he has felt fairly well.

The plan was for him to get labs drawn in Jackson on Monday & Thursday so that we would know when his immunity was compromised and if he needed a transfusion.  Well, we hadn't heard anything from Monday's labs, and he has had some coughing and upper respiratory congestion.  So, I insisted that he see our Nurse Practitioner today.  (I had assessed and listened and palpated and done every other "nursey" thing that I could think to do, but I wanted someone else to say that his lungs were o.k. too.)

So, I got a call earlier this morning from the Nurse Practitioner saying that his lungs sounded clear...just some post nasal drip.   He is already on two different high powered antibiotics that should take care of just about anything.   (I had told Nick the same thing last night.  So, at least I felt good about my nursing skills.)

  I continued with my day at school.  At 1:00 I had a nursing test.  As we enter the room for tests we have to show I.D., take off any coats or other outerwear, and place our belongings in the front of the classroom...including cell phones.  I have never done this before, but today I asked one of my instructors to hold my phone just in case I got an emergency call. (Thank you, Holy Spirit, for the prompting!)  She knows about Nick's situation.  So, she kindly took it.  About 10 minutes into the test time she brought the phone to me and escorted me to the hall.  Our Nurse Practitioner had gotten Nick's blood work back from this morning and several of his numbers were at critical levels.  Critical...as in...Oh, no, somebody do something quick.  So, I needed to put her in contact with our oncologist at Vandy to get marching orders.  Several phone calls later I left school and headed home leaving my test incomplete and not knowing what to do next.  When I got home, Glenn had just heard from the oncologist who instructed us to just watch Nick and make sure he has no outside contact or fresh fruit or vegetables that could possibly contain any sort of germs.  He is stable, but just critically immune-compromised.

I am once again in awe of how God cares for us in the most seemingly simple ways.  I had no idea that Nick was going to need me before the end of the test hour, but God did.  I have heard stories over and over about people being delayed, or changing their routines, or stopping at a green light...only to realize that that momentary change in their usual behavior saved their lives.

I don't believe in coincidence or luck, but I do believe in a mighty God who speaks to each and every one of us daily.  (Whether you know that He speaks to you or not is irrelevant.  It doesn't change the fact that He does speak to you.)  (I am passionately bold about this...can you tell?)  Throughout the years I have heard people say repeatedly that they just don't hear from God...or... they don't believe that He speaks to them...or... they can believe that other people hear from Him, but they have done too many bad things for Him to want to speak to them.  Oh my, nothing can be further from the truth.

It may not be some kind of "James Earl Jones"  booming voice.  There may never be a burning bush in your front yard.  You may never feed 5000 people with your fish sticks and crinkle cut french fries or get a gold coin out of a fish's mouth, but you have and will hear from God. 

Let's start simple.  Look for the simple interventions in your day tomorrow...then be bold enough to thank Him for them as they come. (Nobody else has to even know about it, but this is a very important part!)  You will be surprised by how many you find, and how much of a change it makes in your overall attitude.  There will come a day when you realize that you can rely on Him, and that you don't have to have all of answers...you just have to know who has them.

Do you know Him?

It is well!

Megan & Nick at Vandy

Plum Near Giddy

Nick and Glenn got home early this afternoon.  Nick is still feeling good, and his labs look good as well.  I have to give him a shot later tonight to help his counts recover...Although, they haven't gone down yet.  The normal thing would have been for his platelets, white blood count, etc. to have already dropped, but it is better for him that they haven't.  As long as his counts stay up his immunity stays intact as well.  We will go to have labs drawn twice a week for the next couple of weeks here in Jackson.  So, we will know when he has to be in the aforementioned pseudo isolation.

I found out more info about how the 107 days will work.  Can I just say one more time that Vanderbilt rocks!!  We had been told that we would have to get an apartment close to Vanderbilt, but we didn't know any more details.  Don't get me wrong...God has met every need so far.  So, I knew it would work out, but it was starting to sound like a situation that was going to be very financially challenging.  Here's the long and short of it:  The apartments where we need to stay cost $2400.00 a month + utilities.  The transplant adviser handed me a paper describing the apartment amenities and the cost.  My heart sank.  How in the world?  Then the adviser said, "We are going to contact your insurance company.  They usually cover part it, and Vanderbilt is going to cover the rest.  We will also cover $100 a month of your utilities, but you have will have to pay the balance."  What in the world?   I am so thankful that I am plum near giddy.   ( If you are not from the south...plum near giddy means, "overwhelmingly happy")

God has done things like this over and over again.  There have been so many times that I had no idea how things would work out.  Sometimes the answer has come just after we found out about the need, and sometimes the answer has come at the last minute.  About 6 weeks ago we had a need that seemed overwhelming.  Glenn and I were the only ones who knew about it.  At the last minute I got a phone call from our church saying that I needed to stop by the office.  When I got there I found that someone had dropped off an envelop full of money with instructions to give it to me.  I have no idea who it was, but I do know that whoever it was had heard from God.  The next day I got a similar call again.  The combination of amounts was exactly what we needed.  God has done this a number of times, and I know that He will continue. 

For those of you who God has used in our lives, I can't express how thankful I am.  You have been God's physical feet and hands.  I know that it is a joy to give when God lays it on your heart, but I just want you to understand that you have made a tangible difference in our lives.  Whether you have given of your time to lift us up in prayer, brought us spaghetti, chili, chicken casserole, meatballs, etc, or you were the one who dropped off the envelop or other things...you have ministered to us.  Your kindness and obedience to God's prompting has helped to build our faith...not just meet our physical needs.  My prayer is that each of you will reap that Biblical 100 fold return.

I'm so thankful!!!  It is well.

Mysterious Medical Conundrum

The week is going well.  Nick has tolerated the chemo bombardment like a champ.  His doctor came in this morning and literally said, "I don't really have anything to say.  You are doing great. Keep up the good work."

The chemo floor at Vanderbilt is set up as a circle.  The nurse's station, nutrition room, clean linen and supply rooms, etc. are in the center of the circle.  The patient's rooms are on the perimeter.  So, the hall is kind of like a very slow moving walking track. Each of the chemo patients is encouraged to "do laps" every day.  So we went out this morning to "work out."  I lost count of how many laps we did, but Nick was going strong.  We lapped lots of folks in bunny slippers, questionably flapping gowns and stocking caps.  If he hadn't been dragging the IV pole, he may have broken into a full fledged trot. (O.k... probably not, but hopefully my enthusiastic description is giving you a close to accurate picture of how great the morning has been.)

We did get some more details about the "plan":  The total days of treatment will be approximately 107.  The count starts at day -7. (Why they don't start with "1" is some sort of mysterious medical conundrum.)  Transplant day is day zero, and completion of transplant period is approximately day 100.  He will have to stay in the hospital about 30 days, then in Nashville for the remaining time period.  We are supposed to have a consult with the transplant team today.  Hopefully we will get some further details.  

Even though we have (potentially) lots of difficult days to come in the future.  I am thankful for the peace and grace to be able to enjoy the easy days.  It is well.
              

Who Am I?

Today is the end of the month of Lori.  For those of you who do not know, I am quite a goof ball about my birthday (Oct. 29th).  Years ago (I don't remember why) I started proclaiming this designation on Oct. 1st.  My family humored me.   I even started handing out tiaras for other women to wear on their birthdays.  I was known as the birthday fairy at church, and I did that for a number of years.

O.k. men...I can only speak accurately from a woman's perspective.  So,  that's is what I am about to do.

As women, we typically wear so many hats: wife, mother, teacher, student, daughter, sister, friend, nurse, doctor, pastor, engineer, landscaper, author, editor, cruise director, purchasing agent, accountant, carpenter, plumber, chauffeur, fashion consultant, seamstress, interior designer, chef, maid...etc...AND...that's all before we leave the house to go to work.  If we are not careful we will get caught up in defining ourselves by all of the things that we do, and forget who we really are.

I used to give out those tiaras because I wanted women to have a license to feel special and connect with their true identity at least one day a year.  My hope was that they would realize who they really were, and that the knowledge would last.  We, as Christians, are LITERALLY sons and daughters of the KING...princes and princesses - hence the tiaras.

I realized this year, as my birthday came and went, that it (my birthday) didn't matter so much to me anymore.  By the grace of God, I believe that I finally have more of a grasp on who I am in Christ.  We have been so wrapped in His care and loving-kindness since this adventure began that it would have been difficult not to see His hand covering us.

Nick is back at Vanderbilt (Rm 11020.)  The plan that I wrote about in my last blog entry has begun to be executed.  He is supposed to come home this Saturday.

Who am I?  Yes, I am the mom of a son who is battling for his life, but, birthday or not...I am a princess whose son is a prince.  It is well.

We Have A Plan

O.K....Here's the plan:  Nick is being admitted this Monday and staying at Vandy all week.  They are going to aggressively hit the the remaining stupid cancer cells that mistakenly believe that they belong in my son's body.  He will then come home for 2 to 3 weeks while his body recovers.  During that time he will be in pseudo isolation.  I have to Clorox and Lysol everything in sight. (No problem...we have a plan!)

Then we will go back for another week (shampoo, rinse, and repeat...so to speak.)  After coming home again for a couple of weeks it will be bone marrow transplant time.  As Nick's doctor told him,"For your sister it's a one day process.  For you it's three months."  Amanda will go in for 1 to 2 days and have marrow harvested.  Nick will be inpatient for awhile, don't know how long, and will need to stay in Nashville for the rest of the three months.  We will have to have some sort of apartment-type accommodations so that Nick can be near Vanderbilt and receive treatments as an outpatient.  At the end of the 100 days, Nick should just need maintenance chemo.  It's good to have a plan!

I must add that this plan is just that...a plan.  We fully expect God to order our steps and intervene in ways that only He can.  He has moved in miraculous ways so far.  So, even though there are lots of questions about how this will all work, I know that He will work it out.

We are learning first hand about what God says about how He cares for us:

Luke 12
²² Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. ²³ Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. ²⁴ Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? ²⁵ And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? ²⁶ If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? ²⁷ Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ²⁸ If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?

Personal request:  Please do not wait until a very difficult time in your life to begin to trust God with your life.  If we had not had the foundation of relationship with Him before this adventure began I can not even imagine what it would be like now.  Get to know Him.  Dare to take Him at His Word.  There won't be a moment of regret!  It is well.

Still Very Much Persuaded.

We just got word on the biopsy.  It was not clean.  I have to admit that I am very sad.  This hurts so deeply, but it does not change my perspective.  So many things have happened of late to people that I love and respect.  Life is sometimes very difficult...yet inexplicable peace abounds.

I really do not understand why we go through what we do, but I do know that God has seen the end from the beginning.  As long as we keep our hearts turned toward Him in the meantime...it will all end well. We know in Whom we have believed, and we are still very much persuaded that He is able to keep us...It is well.

Small World

I just want to share a short tidbit with y'all.  I just looked at the "stats" for this blog.  I have known that people were looking at it from all over the world, but the numbers are amazing me.  I realize that some of these people may have come across it by mistake or are just curious, but some may be praying for us...or some may be coming to faith because of it.  I started this to keep people informed and praying, but God has most assuredly begun to use it for His Kingdom purposes as well.

Here is the list of blog followers outside of the US.  Please pray for these people that are a world away:

Russia                           15
Germany                      10
United Kingdom         8
New Zealand                6
Romania                        3
Costa Rica                     2
Botswana                       1
China                              1
Italy                                1

Endurance

Nick came through the bone marrow biopsy very well.  He has been in pain for a couple of days, but that won't last long.  He is still really feeling very well aside from that.  -We haven't gotten the results yet, but I will share them as soon as we know. 

He has had a rest from chemo for the last 3 weeks now.  So, his hair has started to grow back.  The last time that it started to grow back sparsely it was bright red.  Now it is nearly black.  Who knows what it will look like when all this is over.  It may be blonde and curly????

We go back this coming Wednesday and Thursday to restart the chemo process.  I really dread this for him, but at least we have experience with it.  There shouldn't be any surprises or unknown events.

The word for the day ( for me at least) seems to be endurance.  God really does make enduring easy for us.  We have the "Peace that passes understanding" and way more grace than we deserve, but I guess the bottom line is that there is no choice but to endure.  We want the outcome of this adventure to be God's outcome.  So why would we even consider giving up and controlling the outcome ourselves.  Our only hope lies in God's intervention...so, we endure.

Romans 15:4  For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

Please don't give up whatever it is that God has called you to endure.   Just decide that it is well.

Sight And Vision Are Not The Same Things.

Nick had a good report from his orthopedic surgeon...no further degeneration in any of his 4 spinal fracture sites.  He has to continue to wear his back brace for a short while, and then can wear it as needed.

He goes back next Thursday for the crucial bone marrow biopsy.  "Clean" is the word that we expecting to hear.  It's a smidgen like the prophet in the Old Testament who was believing for rain after such a long season of drought.  He said that he could see a cloud the size of a man's hand, and that he could hear the sound of the abundance of rain.  We may have to squint a bit, but we can see a tall, healed, gregarious, pain free, cancer free Nicholas making way too much noise upstairs.  I can see it...not fully in focus yet...but I can see it coming.  Can you?

Because sight and vision are not the same things....It is well!

I Will Be Moseying :)

Back to Vandy today to the orthopedic doctor.  Hopefully we will get a good report on Nick's back.  He has felt pretty good all week long.  I am so thankful for this time!!  It is like they have given him a fall break from chemo, and the boy (young man) sure did need a vacation.  The lessened pain and greater energy has allowed him to be up much more than usual.  So, I'm sure that it is also contributing to him getting stronger overall.

The next phase may be the most rough yet.  So it will be good to go into it with renewed strength and a fresh mind set.  I am encouraged!

Please share the Mission-Remission link with anyone that you wish.  It will be a fun day.  There will be lots of runners...but there will also be lots of walkers, strollers, amblers, shufflers, moseying, and the like.  I will fit somewhere in the later category.

I have a test this morning...so this is a short post.

44 to you all, and keep praying!!

It is well!

It's Not About Gold Stars (Although I Like Gold Stars)

We have had a couple of great days!  Nick has felt better than he has in a very long time. (Yeah!!!)  This morning when I was getting dressed I heard Glenn coming up the stairs.  It had to be Glenn because Nick can't climb the stairs.  I was minding my own business...just straightening my hair...when I see a shiny bald reflection in the mirror.  It was Nick.  He came upstairs like it was no big deal.

We spent most of the week at Vanderbilt.  He got the high dose methyltrexate.  It is really a strange process.  They started the chemo about 9:00 Monday night.  It took 3 hours to infuse.  Then 24 hours later they started giving him the antidote every 6 hours around the clock.  He then had to stay in the hospital until there was no evidence of the drug left in his system.  It was really hard on him...but what a difference a couple of days make. 

While he was there they also tested his adrenal output.  Because he had been on high doses of steroids for so many months his adrenal glands had all but shut down.  So, since he has been off of steroids for a couple of weeks, it was a good time to test and get an accurate reading.  They were only producing at 30%.  As he was being discharged his doctor wrote a prescription for a different kind of steroid.  His words were, " Take this for a couple of days and you will feel better than you have in a long time."  Well, just let me tell ya....he was correct.  The goal will be to restart his natural adrenal function, but for the time being we are so thankful for the wisdom that God has given man to produce needed pharmaceutical products!!  He has had much more energy, less pain, and a much more sunny outlook.  (Word of wisdom...Be wise and take your medicine while you are waiting for God to heal you.  Taking needed medicine does not equal a lack of faith.)

I got to go to church today.  I was so excited!!!  It had been several weeks.  About a week ago I was standing in my kitchen crying.  It was just one of those days.  I was talking to God as though I could see Him standing by my fridge.  (You can talk to your Daddy like that you know.)  As I was finishing my rant I said, "I'm such a mess...I haven't even been to church in weeks."  Immediately I could hear Him speak to my heart, "You are not a mess, and I know just where you are."

Please be encouraged that God does know where each of of is.  He sees your situation and mine, and does not judge us like man does.  He sees the painful (and joyous) cries of our hearts and knows where our hearts are turned.  Yes, we should be a part of a local church.  Yes, we have the duty and calling to share the Gospel.  Yes, He does require many things of us.  The difference is that His judgement comes according to the conditions of our hearts, not by outward appearance.  He sets the priorities for our lives according to His word:

I Timothy 5:8  But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

I realize that the above scripture goes with the theme of caring for widows or orphans, but God makes it pretty clear that taking care of the needs in our own households is a big priority with Him.

There are times when we somehow manage to do it all, and times when we need stay home and tend to fevers and nausea.  There are times when family relationships are good, and times when you need to get away and work on them.  God's rules and regulations are not for the purpose of getting gold stars on some divine attendance chart.  His rules are to lead us to further His kingdom and change us step by step...moment by moment...glory by glory closer to the image of Jesus. 

It's all about the heart.  It is well!

Mission Remission - November 12, 2011

 

Below is a link to more information about the Mission Remission 5K Run/Walk 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dEZjdVc2Unc2d2FkRW1NMlhvUV9ONkE6MA

A Bit of Normalcy ...Whatever That Is

Why are Sundays included with the "week end", when they are actually the first day of the week beginning?  (Just a random thought that I had while pondering what to write.)

We are preparing to leave Monday for Vandy.  As I said previously, Nick will be admitted and receive treatment all week.  He is a bit anxious about the unknowns of this new chemo treatment.  So, please pray for him to have that extra measure of peace that he needs.  We have the week divided into slots of who goes when, and I think that it will all work.  (It always does.)  God tells us in His word that we should go ahead and make plans, but the crucial part is that we are to let Him actually order our steps.  One of the hard things about being human is making those plans, and then allowing Him to peacefully change them.  Sometimes we go His way...but needlessly kicking and screaming.  It is all so much more peaceful when we just go with His flow.

We have already gotten some response from people donating blood in Nick's honor.  I didn't tell him about it ahead of time.  He just started getting a couple of cards, and he thought that was pretty awesome.  Blood donors are heroes.  You get my most heartfelt thanks!

I also realize that some of you can not give blood for whatever reason.  Please do not feel badly.  Everyone can pray, and that is the most important thing that anyone can do.

This week has been a good week.  To demonstrate...I came home from clinicals about 12:45 on Friday afternoon.  I had just enough time to make a PB&J, whatever Nick wanted for lunch, and get back to lab at 1:30.  When I come in the door I always head straight to Nick, but this day his bed was conspicuously empty.  I looked in the bathroom and all over the downstairs, but no Nick.  I really wasn't worried, but I texted him pretty quickly.  Megan had come and gotten him earlier, and they were eating at Backyard Burgers.  It is amazing how just a little bit of normalcy can make a Mom feel so good!

We also had several amazing blessings this week.  We serve a God who knows exactly where we are.  It is well!

Oh The Blood

Wow...I did it again.  I haven't written in a while.  There just aren't enough hours in a day.  I guess we all feel like that at times.

Last week when I wrote I had an inkling that the week was going to be more of a challenge than we knew, and it was.  When we got to Vanderbilt last Monday, Nick's doctor said that we needed to stay all week.  We had not come prepared to stay, so he arranged for Nick to get treatment in Jackson.  It was good to get treatment near home, but due to several factors, it was SO very hard.  Nick felt horrible all week, but in retrospect, we survived!

Glenn and Nick went to Vanderbilt this past Monday.  His blood counts were very low, so he got 2 units of whole blood along with his chemotherapy.  The life really is in the blood!  He feels much better this week.  Next Monday he will be admitted to Vanderbilt for the week.  They are going to infuse him with high doses of methyltrexate.  He has been getting low doses of this drug all along during his lumbar puncture procedures and has not had any adverse reactions.  So, we are hopeful that this will be the thing that does the remission trick.  This is kind of a dangerous procedure.  So, he will be monitored closely.  Please pray.

A couple of weeks after the methyltrexate they will re-do the bone marrow biopsy.  The leukemia has got to be gone this time!!!

(As I finished typing the above sentence I got a text from Nick. (I'm in the living room & he is in his bedroom)  He asked me to come and check his temperature.  It is up again.  I was planning to go to church tonight, but now need to stay home.  Parenthood, in general, is not for wimps!)

Several of you have been asking me about donating blood for Nick.  I finally have some answers for you.  Lifeline Blood Ctr (here in Jackson) is set up to receive donations in Nick's honor.  He will not actually get the blood that you give, but your donation will help to replace what he has already gotten and the blood that he will receive in the future.  When you donate in his honor they will give you a card that can be mailed to let him know that you have given for him.  Blood donors have literally been tools that God has used to keep Nick alive.

(If you do not live close to Jackson, please donate at your local blood center.)

Lifeline has moved recently.  It is now at 183 Sterling Farms Drive.  It is off of the bypass frontage road that goes past Coffman's Furniture.  They take donations from 8 am - 2 pm on Mondays and Fridays, and from 12 pm to 6 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Leviticus 17:11      New Living Translation (NLT)

¹¹ for the life of the body is in its blood. I have given you the blood on the altar to purify you, making you right with the Lord.^[a] It is the blood, given in exchange for a life, that makes purification possible.

Because of the blood of Jesus...It is well.

Change

The fevers broke and Nick has felt fairly well for the last couple of days.  (Thanks for the prayers!!)  I can also tell that the back brace has helped.  Even when he doesn't have it on, his posture is better than it had been.  We still don't have the results from the tests last week, but the pain has also been absent for the last couple of days....so I'm just believing that God took care of whatever it was.

He and I will spend the day at Vandy tomorrow.  Then, he and Megan will go back for the day on Thursday.  It will be a relatively easy week.  At least that is the plan as we know it today. 

Pastor Cupples at Love and Truth Church in Jackson frequently asks the congregation, "What is the only constant at Love & Truth Church?"  The answer is "change."  (Not change in the message of the Gospel, but frequent change in the delivery methods, technology, and physical surroundings.)  The question and answer apply so well to our personal lives as well.

The only constants at our household seems to our faith in God and our love for one another.  The rest of almost everything else has been nearly constantly changing for the last year now.  However, one of the best lessons that I have learned in constant change is to focus on the things that actually matter.  Frustration and distraction seem to be the results of focusing on the temporary changes instead of the trustworthy constants.

We serve a God is who the same yesterday, today, and forever.  If you think about it...He is the only thing in all of life that never changes.

Changes and all...it is well!

Not For Wimps

Nick has had some problems with elevated temperature and feeling very badly for the last couple of days.  We need some answers.  We haven't heard from yesterday's test yet, but will hopefully get those answers today. 

We also got some less hopeful statistics this week.  Again...we don't serve a God that is governed by statistics.  So,  it's gonna be o.k.  However, we are fighting a battle on several different levels: physical, spiritual, & mental.  Balancing this trial as an eternal spiritual being, living in a time-limited physical body, controlled by a mind, will, and emotions that are not yet perfected is not for wimps!  Let me just tell ya...It's really not for wimps.  I can not even imagine going through this without knowing in Whom I have believed.   Focus on faith is essential.

  It is well.

A Good Answer

We are back at Vanderbilt.  It's a familiar routine.  Nick is lying in a comfy bed getting chemo.  I've been trying to study....but....??#@)   In an hour we go down stairs and down the long hall for a lumbar puncture and more chemo.  It really has been a fun day.  Nick has entertained many a chemo patient with various and sundered quips, one-liners, and impressions.   He is in rare form.  It is such a joy when he feels good!!

Tomorrow he is having some tests done to find out why he is having intermittent intense pain.  We really just need God to take care of it before the tests.  "We can't find anything wrong" will be a good answer.

As I typed the words "good answer," the following is what came to mind.  It speaks for itself.

Proverbs 15

 ¹ A gentle answer turns away wrath,
   but a harsh word stirs up anger.

It is well.

Face Forward

No...we haven't fallen off the the face of the earth...and...No, nothing bad has happened.  I have simply been so very busy that I couldn't take the time to compose a blog entry.  Last week was my first week of Nursing School.  I was literally at school every day...some days I was there for 10 hours at a time.  The rest of the time I was caring for my family, at church, or doing homework.  I do think that I remember sleeping and bathing once or twice as well.  It will not be at the same pace for the next two years...it just can't be!

I do want to sincerely apologize to  those of you who were concerned because of my short writing sabbatical.   It makes all the difference in the world to know that people care!  I will try to do better in the future.

Nick has been back to Vanderbilt for chemo a couple of times.  He is still feeling fairly well...although he has had some very severe pain.  Please pray for relief from the pain and wisdom to manage it as we await God's intervention.  This week his doctor elected not to give him the specific chemo that lowers his clotting factors.  For this we are very thankful!

We found out, last Friday, that Amanda is a perfect bone marrow match for him.  That is a miraculous thing!  According to the national statistics there is a slight chance that any family members will match a patient, but we do not serve a God that is bothered by statistics!!  Only Amanda & Megan were tested.  Megan was a partial match. 

If we end up having to do the transplant, it will be during December.  They will re-check him by doing another bone marrow biopsy in about 6 weeks.  If that is completely clear, we may not have to do the transplant.  Please keep praying for wisdom & healing.

Today, Nick was fitted for a back brace.  His orthopedic surgeon says that his fractures will heal, but the brace is needed to protect him from any further damage, and to realign his posture.  It is painful for him, but when he walks with it on his gait appears almost normal.  We are moving in a positive direction.  Please add the restoration of his back, including height, to your specific prayer lists.

Next week he will have to be at Vanderbilt all week long.  We will arrive on Sunday.  Lumbar puncture, chemo, and Dr. visits are on Monday.  I will stay with him until Monday evening.  My Mom will come Monday night to stay and bring him home on Thursday.  She will be the designated chemo escort for most of the week.

Some time in the next few weeks he is going to be a part of a chemo scientific study.  He will be admitted for a few days, receive chemo, and be interviewed about his side effects and the process in general.  All of that treatment will be complementary because of the clinical study. (Just a bit more provision)

I heard from a friend last week that was having a difficult time.  She described her situation as "being at the red sea."  As we all know, the Israelites were freed from Egypt after being protected from the plagues, laden with treasures from the Egyptian people, and headed off toward the promise land...only to be eventually trapped between the red sea and Pharaoh's approaching army.

As I prayed for my friend, all that I believed that I heard God say was to "focus forward."  The Jewish people had been walking in faith and believing for freedom for 400 years.  Now they were experiencing the miracle for which they had been waiting.  Yes, there was a churning sea in front of them.  Yes, there were approaching angry men with orders to slaughter them.  Yes, it did not look good....But....what good would it do to focus on the ill-tempered, armed, swiftly coming destructive force.  Answer:  not one bit of good.  If Charlton Heston and his compatriots portrayed it accurately, people were still grumbling as the sea opened up revealing a dry path of escape.  (I'm pretty sure that they were grumbling because later on in the journey the Bible says that they wanted to go back into slavery so that they could eat some leaks and onions...talk about priorities being messed up.)

I don't know about y'all, but I don't want it to take 40 years for my family to receive the promised outcome.  Yes, we do need to learn from the past, but that is not where our focus needs to be.  We can't change the past, but we can alter the path of our futures.  If there is some sort of big hairy destruction chasing you, don't give it the attention that God deserves.  Face forward and watch for the way of escape to open up.  It is always there.  If you are willing to look you will find it.

1 Corinthians 10:13(NCV)

¹³ The only temptation that has come to you is that which everyone has. But you can trust God, who will not permit you to be tempted more than you can stand. But when you are tempted, he will also give you a way to escape so that you will be able to stand it.

Footnote:  The word that is translated "tempted," can also be translated "tested or tried."

Sweet Gifts

Well...plans changed a little.  Glenn ended up taking Nick to Vanderbilt on Thursday.  The headache monster had attacked my head.  So, I couldn't drive.   I think that they had a good time together.  A young man can never spend too much time with his wonderful Dad!  They talked about Glenn's years in the Navy, and who knows what else???

Nick is going to be fitted for a back brace next week.  The brace will keep his back from getting any worse until he is finished with the chemo and steroids.  Until then there is nothing that they can do to fix it.  We just need to guard it. 

Other than seeing the orthopedic surgeon and getting blood (thank you again blood donors)  on Tuesday, this has been a relatively uneventful week.  Oh, how I am thankful for that!!  Peace and freedom from drama are such a sweet gifts!!

I think that I will leave this post at that...Peace and freedom from drama are such sweet gifts!!  It is well.

Blood Donors Made a Difference!

Today we are off to Vanderbilt to see the orthopedic surgeon.  I imagine that we will need more than our allotted portion of wisdom as we ponder the options that are presented today. 

Tuesday of this week Nick received 2 units of whole blood. (Thank you blood donors!!)  May I just tell you that the life is truly in the blood.  He has had a couple of relatively super days since then.  Tuesday his counts were so low that...well...it wasn't good.  Then he got the blood, and almost immediately began to feel better.  He certainly hasn't done any cartwheels, but he has played games and gotten around much more easily.  The difference is palpable.  Thank you, God!!

A friend of mine at church last night began talking to me about her study of Jeremiah.  She mentioned a conversation in Jeremiah between God and the prophet where God asked the question:  "Am I not the same when I'm near or far?"  Sometimes it does feel as though God is far away, and sometimes we feel the overwhelming presence of His closeness.  Is He not the same in each of these instances?  The answer is, yes!  Although it's not new information, I needed to hear that.  The book of James admonishes us to not be double minded or such that we are like waves tossed to and fro.  In order to walk through these "valley of the shadow of death" times in life, we have got to have it settled in our minds that God is with us and for us...even when He is feeling far away.  The truth is that He is never far away.  We can fully trust Him.  It's our feelings that we can not always trust. 

It is well.

We Are On The Winning Team

We are back at Vanderbilt today.  Nick was supposed to have several procedures done today, but his labs were all too low to make the procedures safe.  He couldn't even receive the prescribed chemo because his clotting factors are still tanked, and one of the drugs that he was supposed to get is the one that causes clotting difficulties.   What a difficult balance this is!  He needs the chemo to kill the bad stuff, but because the good stuff is so impaired he can't get the stuff to kill the bad stuff...so the bad stuff potentially gets a chance to rebound, which further impairs the good stuff.  Don't worry (I mean that literally!!) I still know that this is going to be O.K.  I'm just a little frustrated by what I see with my natural eyes.  I'll be so glad for what I see with my eyes to line up with what I see with my eyes of faith.

As I wrote that litany about "stuff" above, I thought of how Paul ranted in Romans 7 about doing the things that he did not want to do...etc:

Romans 7: 14-25
¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  ²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Isn't that just like us?!  There are so many times that there are conflicts within me.  I know that I am saved, Spirited filled, and redeemed, but there are times that I act or think like the opposing team. Even though our sinful natures show out sometimes...don't ever forget that, if you know Jesus...you are on the winning team. (I've read the end of the Book.)

Nick's body is in the midst of a huge conflict right now, but he is going to come out victorious!  In fact, his name, Nicholas, means "victorious warrior."  Please continue to pray and speak positive words concerning his victory over this invasion.  He is a winner, and so are you.  We are on the winning team!

The following scripture was the scripture of the day on www.biblegateway.com:

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:18-19 NIV

It spoke to me.  It is well.

Saved from the PURGE!

I'm sorry that I haven't written in a few days.  As my Papa would have said, "I've been as busy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."   For those of you who do not know, I started back to college in January and was accepted to nursing school beginning now.  I dropped out of the classes I had scheduled for the summer.  However, Nick emphatically let me know a couple of weeks ago that he could not stand it if I dropped out of nursing school.  My response to him was that I would try my best to balance everything, but that he was first priority.  So, if it came down to a choice between him and school, he would just have to deal with him being my choice.

For now we are managing with the balance.  His sisters accompanied him to Vandy this week.  Next week the schedule is such that I can take him.  The next week and weeks to come will be addressed as they come.  Glenn does have a lot of vacation time built up.  So, my two guys may be making the the trek to Vandy together a lot this fall.  It will all work out...somehow...it will work out.  Like I said in earlier posts, we also have friends and family who are more than willing to spend time with the Nickster.

He had a couple of really great days this week.  This may not sound like much to the average healthy person, but he actually went with Amanda...inside a store...in the wheelchair...and purchased a couple of games for his Nintendo.   One of the days this week he actually spent most of the day awake watching movies, texting and playing games.  He hasn't done that in a long time.

Today has been less than stellar:  lots of nausea, swollen ankles, unsteady on his feet, and a general malaise.  Yet, there will be more great days around the corner.  I really can not begin to say why some days are like today, and others are like the last two days.  However, I'm just thankful that we have variety.  The great thing that I have to report is that he and Amanda got home shortly after I got home from school.  Just having everyone safe and at home brings a big boost in my peacefulness!

There has been lots of identifiable provision this week.  For me, the biggest thing happened on Wednesday.  I had had several difficulties over the last week getting all of my classes confirmed, and if everything was not straight before day's end I would have gotten purged.  PURGED...no one wants to get purged.  It just sounds like a painful process!  I had nursing success class from 8:30 to 4:30ish, then I was supposed to be in Henderson by 5:30 for band practice.  The bottom line is that God worked out everything perfectly.  He used timing that only He could orchestrate and set me at the desk of the one person left on campus that could make things right.  I spoke with very gracious, patient professionals who, whether they knew it or not, were honoring Him in their conduct.  It didn't actually get fixed that night, but I was rescued from the purge.  And...even with all of the other people who needed assistance, by day's end today everything was perfectly in order.  All of my courses are confirmed...paid for by a full scholarship...with money left over to cover books.  God provides!

I also made it to church Wednesday night just in time for practice.  As I was leading worship we sang, "This is my desire to honor You.  Lord, with all my heart I worship You."  I broke down.  I was still able to play the keys, but I could no longer sing through the tears.  (I'm so thankful for a wonderful praise team who flows so easily in the Spirit that not a word or beat was dropped!)  It truly is my desire that my life honor God!

As I have pondered the way God used the staff at Jackson State to save me from the purge, I realize, once again, that we don't have to be preaching to thousands or have some other huge ministry in order for our lives to honor Him.  Oh, I know, some may say that it was simply their job...but, y'all weren't there.  There is a big difference in providing customer service, preparing dinner, writing a speeding ticket, etc...with the desire to honor God and doing the same without that desire.   God is honored and worshiped in our day to day, moment by moment obedience to His will and His way.  He is honored by hearts turned toward Him.  No one else has to know or ever even notice, but He is honored.  It is well.

Responsibility???

I have seen improvement today.  I started to type that every day that we see improvement is a positive day, but that is really not what I have found to be true.  The fact is that every day that we are exchanging oxygen for carbon dioxide is a positive day.  Maybe we can count more positive things on some days than others, but life is so precious that while we have breath there is positive to be found.

Nick seems to have had less pain and more energy today than the last time I blogged.  He and Megan, his sister, headed off to Nashville this evening.  She is taking him to his appointments tomorrow, and staying with him through Wednesday morning.  Amanda, his oldest sister, will head to Nashville Wednesday morning and they will come home Friday afternoon.  He will be in very capable hands all week long!

So, what am I doing?  I will have a day off tomorrow, and the end of the week will be full of nursing orientation.  Nick is adamant that I continue with school.  So, we, as a family, are going to do what it takes to manage all of the pieces of life.  We also have a lot of extended family and friends in the area who have volunteered to make treks to Nashvegas whenever needed.  Nick's health is obviously the priority, but we will try our best to carry on the rest of life as normal in the balance.

Megan said to me today, "Mom, you have got to just relax and let us help.  He's our family too."  I will tell you that that was not new information, but I have thought about it on and off since she said it.  I have, for as long as I can remember, been so driven by feelings of responsibility...in all areas of my life.  I know that there is nothing that I do in life that someone else could not do just as well or much better than I.    However, if I perceive it to be my responsibility, it is very difficult to step back and turn myself off without feeling that I have shirked my responsibility or placed undue stress upon the other person.   It may be part of that first born child syndrome, but it, like everything else in life, has got to be in balance to be a healthful part of life.  

I do know, and would tell someone else, that we all have to both graciously give and receive.  It is not easy.   However,  it is a balance with which I will have to become comfortable in the coming season.  There is almost constantly something in my life that God has illuminated for change.  He is so gracious and kind not to bring up too many things at once.   He knows what each of us can handle at any given moment, and not only wants to bring up the issues to make us more like Jesus, but wants us to turn to Him as the solution as well.  I am very thankful that God is not finished with me yet!  It is well.

We Have Not Been Snake Bit or Ship Wrecked!

The pancreatitis that was plaguing Nick seems to be much better today.  We are still being very careful about what he eats, but he has had very little stomach pain today.  YEAH!!  He has been very tired today.  Other than waking up to eat and visit a bit, he has slept all day.  Part of that is that he is almost completely off of the prednisone (steroids).  Steroids can literally shut down one's adrenal gland.  So, one of our new prayer requests is that his adrenal gland gets kick started back into normal function.  He also started some new oral chemo today.  So, his body is tired.  I'm thankful that he has been able to rest.

My brother, Scott, son-in-law, Andrew, Glenn and I built a wheel chair ramp today.  Nick can certainly walk.  However, there are days that pain, muscle weakness and fatigue have made it nearly impossible for him to climb stairs or walk very far.  So, we are trying to be wise and make things as functional as possible.  While Nick and I were at Vandy this past week they moved Glenn and I upstairs, and set up Nick's things in our bedroom downstairs.  We are certainly expecting God to intervene in Nick's body.  Yet, we must live while we wait for that intervention with the situational reality of the day.

Have you ever heard someone described as being so Heavenly minded that they were no earthly good?  I remember having heard that saying and being very bothered by it.  However, since then, I have met some folks who could accurately be described as such. (I'm not thinking of anyone particular as I write this.)  Please do not misunderstand...I believe the Word from beginning to end...I believe completely in miracles, signs, wonders, healing, and all of the other ways that God impacts our lives.  However, there seems to be a balance between walking in wisdom while patiently enduring, with faith, the trials of life, and the way that others not only walk out their own faith, but try to impose their zeal and consequential judgement on others. 

Have you read the book of Acts lately?  Wow, those guys endured...snake bites, ship wrecks, jails, stoning, threats and accusations, etc.; and all for the purpose of spreading the gospel.  This omnipotent God that we serve is the same as He was all of those centuries ago.  So, when we have to endure for a season or even for a lifetime, it does not mean that we are not followers of our Savior.  He is faithful!  I still do not necessarily understand this very difficult time, but I am determined to serve Him in the midst of it...and I am expectantly awaiting His intervention.  It is well.

Not All Weeds Are Flowers

I feel a little guilty trying to classify days as "good" and "not good."  I mean...who am I to say that what the Lord has given us ("This is the day that the Lord has made...") is not good.  I will say, however, that we received lots of news today that was not good by my definitions.

Nick did not sleep at all last night.  I don't simply mean that he was a bit restless.  I mean that he did not go to sleep at all.  He started having stomach and chest pains just before dinner last night.  The pain became increasingly severe, and by about 4 o'clock this morning he was in real distress.  When we got to the hospital  they did blood work and determined that he has pancreatitis.  He did not get his scheduled chemo nor the lumbar puncture that was originally scheduled for yesterday.

The results also came back from his bone marrow biopsy and the MRI that they ran last night.  The biopsy was not clean (still shows leukemia cells,) and the MRI showed 4 spine fractures.  We will be going to see an endocrinologist and an orthopedic surgeon to get his spinal issues assessed, and there will likely be a bone marrow transplant sometime in the next 3 to 4 months.  We were told that his sisters, Amanda & Megan, will be the most likely transplant donors.  If the girls do not match they will test Glenn & I next, then younger extended family members first, followed by older family.  Non family would be a resource only if there were not willing, matching family members.  I want to stress to family and friends alike that we will not be expecting this of any of you!  The risk is low for the donor.  However, it is not something that ANYONE needs to feel coerced to do.  God will provide what we need...even the right bone marrow donor...if that's what we end up needing.

Of course I had no idea what this day would hold when it began, but God, in His sweet and gentle way, started talking to me about how I defined things on the way to the hospital this morning.  Between the Hope Lodge and Vanderbilt, less than 2 miles, there is an abandoned lot surrounded by a broken down, chain linked fence.  It looks out of place amongst the upscale restaurants, banks, and various other examples of re-claimed and modernized architecture.  In the middle of the unkempt grass in this lot is a beautiful patch of bright blue flowers...as blue as a sapphire reflecting sun light.   They caught my eye, and in that moment God began preparing me for the day.

I thought about the fact that those flowers, as they grew, would certainly be classified as weeds.  They weren't much taller than the grass and would certainly be mown down as soon as the neighborhood began to notice that the grass was too high.  However, in the hands of a skilled florist or anyone with a bud vase, they would be an eye-catching joy.  I love fresh flowers, and have frequently stopped by the side of a road to pick a handful of treasures for my kitchen table.  Weed...or...treasure?

The news that we received today did not sound good.  It did not produce joy or hope.  On the contrary, it produced tears and sadness.  But it, like my beautiful weeds, changes in effect when I look at it in a different way.  The words from Nick's doctor this morning are in no way what we wanted to hear, but along with the negative findings we also heard at least the beginnings of a plan to make it better.  Our son is alive, and we are enjoying spending time with him that we probably would not have spent were his body well.  We are watching God change our perspective of just about everything in life.  We are watching God fulfill promises and faithfully carry us through things that we could not have gone through in our own strength.

Not all weeds are flowers, but some are.  It is well.

Ridiculously Comfortable

Nick just said to me, "I'm ridiculously comfortable."  This has been a long day, but a very good one.  We are, at this moment, reclining in our recliners in our chemo infusion cubby room. 

We left home at 7:00 this morning, and arrived at the chemo lab a bit after 9:00.  After drawing labs we went to the oncologists office.  As I wrote on Facebook, Nick's clotting factors were still below the basement, but they felt that the bone marrow biopsy had to be done.  So, we came to the infusion lab to get more clotting factors...then back upstairs for the biopsy.  The biopsy usually takes about 1/2 hour, but a full hour ticked by before he was returned to me.  It took a bit longer to get the bleeding under control, but all is well.  Then we quickly made our way to the cafeteria, where we consumed mass quantities of Chinese food and sushi.  Sushi from a hospital cafeteria?? (gasp implied)  Yes, and it was wonderful! 

So, here we are.  Nick is now asleep.  They sat him in a comfy recliner, gave him several pre-chemo meds and a warm blanket.  Sleep has ensued.  These new drugs are a further endeavor into the unknown, but I guess that that is just part of the adventure.

Later, we will be checking into the Hope Lodge...what a huge blessing!!!  The Hope Lodge is a hotel sponsored by the American Cancer Society.  It is completely cost free accommodations for cancer patients receiving treatment at Vanderbilt.  They usually stay booked up, but we got in.  I'm so very thankful!!  The cleanliness standards for the Hope Lodge have to be such that transplant patients are safe there.  So, they not only have comfortable accommodations, WiFi, cable, a gym provided by the Tennessee Titans, and many more amenities, but it is a hotel that is clean like no other.  It is most certainly part of our God given provision for the week!

Why do any of us spend even a moment worrying over the provision for our days?  Can anyone tell me how worry and doubt can even possibly benefit us?  We spend our time pondering which shoes to buy...brand name or no-name noodles at Kroger...we drive 10 miles out of our way to save $0.01/gallon on gas...we haggle and fuss over the most silly things (even within the body of Christ.)  Why is that?  Really!!!  Why is that?

It is because we make choices that we perceive to be profitable for ourselves.  Yes, wisdom does dictate that we make wise choices with the resources that God gives us.  We should spend our money wisely, but why is it that we so frivolously spend our time on worry.  Worry is not profitable...to us...or to the kingdom of God. 

When I was a little girl my Mom had a Bible study for kids in our home.  I don't remember the name of the group, but I do remember one of the songs that we sang.  It goes like this:

Why worry...when you can pray
Trust Jesus...He'll be your stay
Don't be a doubting Thomas
Rest fully on His promise
Why worry, worry, worry, worry
When you can pray

I know that not knowing the tune lessens the impact of this little song, but it was really effective ringing in my ears this morning.  Next time you see me or my Mom ...just ask...you can have the tune in your head too.

Regardless of the concerns on your heart today, please don't spend your time worrying.  Pray and go on with your day.  It is well!

Shalom

     Shalom...nothing missing...nothing broken.  As I understand it, shalom, is a word that is used in the Hebrew tradition as a greeting, a parting comment, and much more.  Simply translated it means peace, but not just peace as the typical English speaking person might define it.  In Biblical Hebrew it literally means complete and total wholeness.  In short...nothing missing...nothing broken.  When used as "hello" and "goodbye" one is literally speaking the blessing of unimaginable peace over the life of the hearer.

     As I pondered this word today I started asking God how it is possible for any life on earth to have shalom.  Our lives could never have been defined in natural terms as having nothing missing or nothing broken.  Yet, peace abounds.  Each of our lives carries the same story.  From day to day there are numerous things, people, and emotions that are missing, and even more that are broken.  Yet, peace abounds.

     The shalom of the Old Testament seems to be one in the long line of prophetic pointers toward our Prince of Peace (Sar Shalom,) Jesus.  How can there be nothing  missing, nothing broken?  The only answer, that I know, is that completely indescribable peace that comes from knowing that someone so much greater than I is in charge.  The New Testament calls it the "peace that passes understanding."

    One of my high school friends lost her son yesterday.  Just days before, she wrote to me about the "peace that passes understanding."  I'm so thankful to know that in this time of heart-breaking loss, she knows that peace and the One who provides it.

     We have never been promised that this life will have any measure of physical shalom.  Conversely, the peace that we have been promised is the peace that does not make natural sense.  This peace is the peace that lasts and that is not shaken by life.  However, it affects everything in our lives.

     My prayer for you today is...Shalom.  Because of Sar Shalom...It is well.

Hope on a Rope

Wow...there's lots to catch up.  We went to Vanderbilt yesterday expecting for it to be bone marrow biopsy day.  However, Nick had had the chemo infusion during the week before that had negative effects on his blood's ability to clot during previous rounds.  When we got the labs back yesterday we found that his clotting factors were too low to measure...which made it totally unsafe to poke a big hole in his back.  So, he instead got an infusion of cryoprecipitate (which boosts his clotting factors), and we came home.

I guess that this past week has been one the most difficult yet.  He has felt horrible.  Although, I am very happy to report that he is feeling fairly well today.  We have laughed and he has been able to move better today than in the recent past.  We even made pancakes this morning.  I spiked them with vanilla Boost because his protein levels are not where they need to be, and every little bit helps.  He remarked that they were very tasty, and asked if I had added some vanilla.  I said "yes," but waited until he was finished to reveal the secret ingredient.

Right now we are waiting in the E.R. at Jackson General.  When Nick got out of the shower this morning he had what appeared to be a stretch mark on his side.  He has gotten some small stretch marks from the swelling caused by steroids, but this is a monster.  It was about 6" X 1", very deep bloody purple, and it was oozing blood.  Given the fact that his clotting factors are low, this was not a good sight.  I called Vanderbilt, and they instructed to go to the ER...do not pass go...do not collect $200 (I added that last part for effect.)  So, here we are.  Hopefully we will just get some more cryo and head home.  For the first time in a long time Nick wants to go out and eat.  So, I really hope that he gets to do that tonight.

This coming Monday morning we have to be back at Vanderbilt bright and early for labs and another stab (pun intended) at the bone marrow biopsy.  We are hoping and praying that whenever he does actually get the biopsy that it is completely clean.  Regardless of the biopsy timing and results, he will start receiving the next chemo drugs dictated by the protocol on Tuesday.  They will be given four days in a row.  So, we will be in Nashville from Monday thru Friday next week.  He has also lost two inches in height since this all started.  So, they will be doing an MRI of his complete spine next week as well.  His oncologist is suspicious of some spine fractures (just another point to pray about!)  I have been speaking to his dry bones, "LIVE!!"

A couple of blogs ago I wrote about not being at the end of my rope.  It was a picture that God had given me.  Then a couple of days later I went to the Bible study that I attend on Tuesdays, and the teacher brought out something so sweet!

Hebrews 6:18-20   (NIV)

¹⁸ God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. ¹⁹ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, ²⁰ where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf.  He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.

The word in the above scripture that is translated "hope" is the picture of a rope.  When Jesus rose again he entered the Holy of Holies and anchored that hope in the very presence of the Father.  Isn't that a sweet picture.  Coupled with what God showed me about the knots in my rope...You and I, and everyone who is following Jesus is moving up that rope...anchored by the very hope of Jesus Himself.

We serve a risen Savior, Whose anchor does not fail!  It is well!