There Are Good Reasons For The Highs And The Lows

Once again it's been awhile.  Since my last post Nick has been back to Vandy for high dose chemo again, and he is now home.  We are still moving on with the plan...one step at a time.  This week will likely be another isolation week.  We will get labs drawn on Monday morning to see where he stands, but for safety's sake, regardless of the results, we will assume that he needs to hang out with Glenn & I for the next week or two.  His counts should progress like they did last time.  So, we know what to expect.  There are good reasons for the highs...and the lows.

On December 15th we will go back to Vandy for the pivotal bone marrow biopsy.  If this one is clean (as we expect !!!) then we will move forward with the transplant.  Hopefully we will start with day -7 before Christmas...or just after.  One step at a time...

I am not decorating for Christmas this year, and we are really not planning to do many Christmasy type things.  We ARE planning to play a rousing game of "Dirty Santa" with the family, but other than that we are not really exchanging gifts or anything else of that nature.  We really do not know where we will be on the day that we celebrate Christ's Birthday, but what we do know is that, by the grace of God, we will all be together...whether that be here or Vandy or somewhere else entirely.  Our reasoning behind this is that we do not want to have to leave a couple of days before Christmas with Nick feeling like he left Christmas at home and made everyone else leave it behind as well.  (I enjoy all of the fluff and fru fru, but it's not the important thing right now...or ever!!  I'll make up for it next year!)

This is the scripture that I have been pondering over the last couple of days:

Psalm 23

New Life Version (NLV)

¹ The Lord is my Shepherd.
   I will have everything I need.
² He lets me rest in fields of green grass.
   He leads me beside the quiet waters.
³ He makes me strong again.
   He leads me in the way of living right with Himself which brings honor to His name.
⁴ Yes, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid of anything,    because You are with me.
   You have a walking stick with which to guide and one with which to help. These comfort me.
⁵ You are making a table of food ready for me in front of those who hate me.
   You have poured oil on my head. I have everything I need.
⁶ For sure, You will give me goodness and loving-kindness all the days of my life.
   Then I will live with You in Your house forever.

There really are good reasons for the highs and the lows.  I don't for one second believe that God brought this situation on us, but I surely can see Him being glorified in the midst of it.  Just as in Nick's cancer treatment...the lows kill off the good and bad cells, but the good rebounds afterward.  During the low times our faith has been tested, but it is stronger as we look back on God's faithfulness in the midst of it.  During the times that Nick is feeling well we are strengthened and encouraged, and can, once again, look back on the faithfulness of God in bringing us out of the low time.

Nick and I were having a conversation a couple of days ago about endurance.  I was trying to help him see that nothing in life stays constant.  When we were children beginning a new school year it felt as if summer would never come...but it did.  When we were thinking about Christmas during the summer it felt as though it were years away...but it wasn't.  When we were preteens, a fairy tale wedding and children seemed a life-time away...but they weren't.  In the midst of a stomach flu or a snotty cold it feels as though there is no end in sight, but in a few weeks it is a distant memory.

Right now we are in a fight for life.  Sometimes it does feel as though it will never end, but we know that it will.  The hows and whens are not within our control.  However, the thing that we can control is whether or not we choose to stick by our Shepherd along the journey.  He has seen the end from the beginning.  We choose His sight over our own.

It is well.