Well...plans changed a little. Glenn ended up taking Nick to Vanderbilt on Thursday. The headache monster had attacked my head. So, I couldn't drive. I think that they had a good time together. A young man can never spend too much time with his wonderful Dad! They talked about Glenn's years in the Navy, and who knows what else???
Nick is going to be fitted for a back brace next week. The brace will keep his back from getting any worse until he is finished with the chemo and steroids. Until then there is nothing that they can do to fix it. We just need to guard it.
Other than seeing the orthopedic surgeon and getting blood (thank you again blood donors) on Tuesday, this has been a relatively uneventful week. Oh, how I am thankful for that!! Peace and freedom from drama are such a sweet gifts!!
I think that I will leave this post at that...Peace and freedom from drama are such sweet gifts!! It is well.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Blood Donors Made a Difference!
Today we are off to Vanderbilt to see the orthopedic surgeon. I imagine that we will need more than our allotted portion of wisdom as we ponder the options that are presented today.
Tuesday of this week Nick received 2 units of whole blood. (Thank you blood donors!!) May I just tell you that the life is truly in the blood. He has had a couple of relatively super days since then. Tuesday his counts were so low that...well...it wasn't good. Then he got the blood, and almost immediately began to feel better. He certainly hasn't done any cartwheels, but he has played games and gotten around much more easily. The difference is palpable. Thank you, God!!
A friend of mine at church last night began talking to me about her study of Jeremiah. She mentioned a conversation in Jeremiah between God and the prophet where God asked the question: "Am I not the same when I'm near or far?" Sometimes it does feel as though God is far away, and sometimes we feel the overwhelming presence of His closeness. Is He not the same in each of these instances? The answer is, yes! Although it's not new information, I needed to hear that. The book of James admonishes us to not be double minded or such that we are like waves tossed to and fro. In order to walk through these "valley of the shadow of death" times in life, we have got to have it settled in our minds that God is with us and for us...even when He is feeling far away. The truth is that He is never far away. We can fully trust Him. It's our feelings that we can not always trust.
It is well.
Tuesday of this week Nick received 2 units of whole blood. (Thank you blood donors!!) May I just tell you that the life is truly in the blood. He has had a couple of relatively super days since then. Tuesday his counts were so low that...well...it wasn't good. Then he got the blood, and almost immediately began to feel better. He certainly hasn't done any cartwheels, but he has played games and gotten around much more easily. The difference is palpable. Thank you, God!!
A friend of mine at church last night began talking to me about her study of Jeremiah. She mentioned a conversation in Jeremiah between God and the prophet where God asked the question: "Am I not the same when I'm near or far?" Sometimes it does feel as though God is far away, and sometimes we feel the overwhelming presence of His closeness. Is He not the same in each of these instances? The answer is, yes! Although it's not new information, I needed to hear that. The book of James admonishes us to not be double minded or such that we are like waves tossed to and fro. In order to walk through these "valley of the shadow of death" times in life, we have got to have it settled in our minds that God is with us and for us...even when He is feeling far away. The truth is that He is never far away. We can fully trust Him. It's our feelings that we can not always trust.
It is well.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
We Are On The Winning Team
We are back at Vanderbilt today. Nick was supposed to have several procedures done today, but his labs were all too low to make the procedures safe. He couldn't even receive the prescribed chemo because his clotting factors are still tanked, and one of the drugs that he was supposed to get is the one that causes clotting difficulties. What a difficult balance this is! He needs the chemo to kill the bad stuff, but because the good stuff is so impaired he can't get the stuff to kill the bad stuff...so the bad stuff potentially gets a chance to rebound, which further impairs the good stuff. Don't worry (I mean that literally!!) I still know that this is going to be O.K. I'm just a little frustrated by what I see with my natural eyes. I'll be so glad for what I see with my eyes to line up with what I see with my eyes of faith.
As I wrote that litany about "stuff" above, I thought of how Paul ranted in Romans 7 about doing the things that he did not want to do...etc:
Romans 7: 14-25
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Isn't that just like us?! There are so many times that there are conflicts within me. I know that I am saved, Spirited filled, and redeemed, but there are times that I act or think like the opposing team. Even though our sinful natures show out sometimes...don't ever forget that, if you know Jesus...you are on the winning team. (I've read the end of the Book.)
Nick's body is in the midst of a huge conflict right now, but he is going to come out victorious! In fact, his name, Nicholas, means "victorious warrior." Please continue to pray and speak positive words concerning his victory over this invasion. He is a winner, and so are you. We are on the winning team!
The following scripture was the scripture of the day on www.biblegateway.com:
“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:18-19 NIV
It spoke to me. It is well.
As I wrote that litany about "stuff" above, I thought of how Paul ranted in Romans 7 about doing the things that he did not want to do...etc:
Romans 7: 14-25
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Isn't that just like us?! There are so many times that there are conflicts within me. I know that I am saved, Spirited filled, and redeemed, but there are times that I act or think like the opposing team. Even though our sinful natures show out sometimes...don't ever forget that, if you know Jesus...you are on the winning team. (I've read the end of the Book.)
Nick's body is in the midst of a huge conflict right now, but he is going to come out victorious! In fact, his name, Nicholas, means "victorious warrior." Please continue to pray and speak positive words concerning his victory over this invasion. He is a winner, and so are you. We are on the winning team!
The following scripture was the scripture of the day on www.biblegateway.com:
“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:18-19 NIV
It spoke to me. It is well.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Saved from the PURGE!
I'm sorry that I haven't written in a few days. As my Papa would have said, "I've been as busy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." For those of you who do not know, I started back to college in January and was accepted to nursing school beginning now. I dropped out of the classes I had scheduled for the summer. However, Nick emphatically let me know a couple of weeks ago that he could not stand it if I dropped out of nursing school. My response to him was that I would try my best to balance everything, but that he was first priority. So, if it came down to a choice between him and school, he would just have to deal with him being my choice.
For now we are managing with the balance. His sisters accompanied him to Vandy this week. Next week the schedule is such that I can take him. The next week and weeks to come will be addressed as they come. Glenn does have a lot of vacation time built up. So, my two guys may be making the the trek to Vandy together a lot this fall. It will all work out...somehow...it will work out. Like I said in earlier posts, we also have friends and family who are more than willing to spend time with the Nickster.
He had a couple of really great days this week. This may not sound like much to the average healthy person, but he actually went with Amanda...inside a store...in the wheelchair...and purchased a couple of games for his Nintendo. One of the days this week he actually spent most of the day awake watching movies, texting and playing games. He hasn't done that in a long time.
Today has been less than stellar: lots of nausea, swollen ankles, unsteady on his feet, and a general malaise. Yet, there will be more great days around the corner. I really can not begin to say why some days are like today, and others are like the last two days. However, I'm just thankful that we have variety. The great thing that I have to report is that he and Amanda got home shortly after I got home from school. Just having everyone safe and at home brings a big boost in my peacefulness!
There has been lots of identifiable provision this week. For me, the biggest thing happened on Wednesday. I had had several difficulties over the last week getting all of my classes confirmed, and if everything was not straight before day's end I would have gotten purged. PURGED...no one wants to get purged. It just sounds like a painful process! I had nursing success class from 8:30 to 4:30ish, then I was supposed to be in Henderson by 5:30 for band practice. The bottom line is that God worked out everything perfectly. He used timing that only He could orchestrate and set me at the desk of the one person left on campus that could make things right. I spoke with very gracious, patient professionals who, whether they knew it or not, were honoring Him in their conduct. It didn't actually get fixed that night, but I was rescued from the purge. And...even with all of the other people who needed assistance, by day's end today everything was perfectly in order. All of my courses are confirmed...paid for by a full scholarship...with money left over to cover books. God provides!
I also made it to church Wednesday night just in time for practice. As I was leading worship we sang, "This is my desire to honor You. Lord, with all my heart I worship You." I broke down. I was still able to play the keys, but I could no longer sing through the tears. (I'm so thankful for a wonderful praise team who flows so easily in the Spirit that not a word or beat was dropped!) It truly is my desire that my life honor God!
As I have pondered the way God used the staff at Jackson State to save me from the purge, I realize, once again, that we don't have to be preaching to thousands or have some other huge ministry in order for our lives to honor Him. Oh, I know, some may say that it was simply their job...but, y'all weren't there. There is a big difference in providing customer service, preparing dinner, writing a speeding ticket, etc...with the desire to honor God and doing the same without that desire. God is honored and worshiped in our day to day, moment by moment obedience to His will and His way. He is honored by hearts turned toward Him. No one else has to know or ever even notice, but He is honored. It is well.
For now we are managing with the balance. His sisters accompanied him to Vandy this week. Next week the schedule is such that I can take him. The next week and weeks to come will be addressed as they come. Glenn does have a lot of vacation time built up. So, my two guys may be making the the trek to Vandy together a lot this fall. It will all work out...somehow...it will work out. Like I said in earlier posts, we also have friends and family who are more than willing to spend time with the Nickster.
He had a couple of really great days this week. This may not sound like much to the average healthy person, but he actually went with Amanda...inside a store...in the wheelchair...and purchased a couple of games for his Nintendo. One of the days this week he actually spent most of the day awake watching movies, texting and playing games. He hasn't done that in a long time.
Today has been less than stellar: lots of nausea, swollen ankles, unsteady on his feet, and a general malaise. Yet, there will be more great days around the corner. I really can not begin to say why some days are like today, and others are like the last two days. However, I'm just thankful that we have variety. The great thing that I have to report is that he and Amanda got home shortly after I got home from school. Just having everyone safe and at home brings a big boost in my peacefulness!
There has been lots of identifiable provision this week. For me, the biggest thing happened on Wednesday. I had had several difficulties over the last week getting all of my classes confirmed, and if everything was not straight before day's end I would have gotten purged. PURGED...no one wants to get purged. It just sounds like a painful process! I had nursing success class from 8:30 to 4:30ish, then I was supposed to be in Henderson by 5:30 for band practice. The bottom line is that God worked out everything perfectly. He used timing that only He could orchestrate and set me at the desk of the one person left on campus that could make things right. I spoke with very gracious, patient professionals who, whether they knew it or not, were honoring Him in their conduct. It didn't actually get fixed that night, but I was rescued from the purge. And...even with all of the other people who needed assistance, by day's end today everything was perfectly in order. All of my courses are confirmed...paid for by a full scholarship...with money left over to cover books. God provides!
I also made it to church Wednesday night just in time for practice. As I was leading worship we sang, "This is my desire to honor You. Lord, with all my heart I worship You." I broke down. I was still able to play the keys, but I could no longer sing through the tears. (I'm so thankful for a wonderful praise team who flows so easily in the Spirit that not a word or beat was dropped!) It truly is my desire that my life honor God!
As I have pondered the way God used the staff at Jackson State to save me from the purge, I realize, once again, that we don't have to be preaching to thousands or have some other huge ministry in order for our lives to honor Him. Oh, I know, some may say that it was simply their job...but, y'all weren't there. There is a big difference in providing customer service, preparing dinner, writing a speeding ticket, etc...with the desire to honor God and doing the same without that desire. God is honored and worshiped in our day to day, moment by moment obedience to His will and His way. He is honored by hearts turned toward Him. No one else has to know or ever even notice, but He is honored. It is well.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Responsibility???
I have seen improvement today. I started to type that every day that we see improvement is a positive day, but that is really not what I have found to be true. The fact is that every day that we are exchanging oxygen for carbon dioxide is a positive day. Maybe we can count more positive things on some days than others, but life is so precious that while we have breath there is positive to be found.
Nick seems to have had less pain and more energy today than the last time I blogged. He and Megan, his sister, headed off to Nashville this evening. She is taking him to his appointments tomorrow, and staying with him through Wednesday morning. Amanda, his oldest sister, will head to Nashville Wednesday morning and they will come home Friday afternoon. He will be in very capable hands all week long!
So, what am I doing? I will have a day off tomorrow, and the end of the week will be full of nursing orientation. Nick is adamant that I continue with school. So, we, as a family, are going to do what it takes to manage all of the pieces of life. We also have a lot of extended family and friends in the area who have volunteered to make treks to Nashvegas whenever needed. Nick's health is obviously the priority, but we will try our best to carry on the rest of life as normal in the balance.
Megan said to me today, "Mom, you have got to just relax and let us help. He's our family too." I will tell you that that was not new information, but I have thought about it on and off since she said it. I have, for as long as I can remember, been so driven by feelings of responsibility...in all areas of my life. I know that there is nothing that I do in life that someone else could not do just as well or much better than I. However, if I perceive it to be my responsibility, it is very difficult to step back and turn myself off without feeling that I have shirked my responsibility or placed undue stress upon the other person. It may be part of that first born child syndrome, but it, like everything else in life, has got to be in balance to be a healthful part of life.
I do know, and would tell someone else, that we all have to both graciously give and receive. It is not easy. However, it is a balance with which I will have to become comfortable in the coming season. There is almost constantly something in my life that God has illuminated for change. He is so gracious and kind not to bring up too many things at once. He knows what each of us can handle at any given moment, and not only wants to bring up the issues to make us more like Jesus, but wants us to turn to Him as the solution as well. I am very thankful that God is not finished with me yet! It is well.
Nick seems to have had less pain and more energy today than the last time I blogged. He and Megan, his sister, headed off to Nashville this evening. She is taking him to his appointments tomorrow, and staying with him through Wednesday morning. Amanda, his oldest sister, will head to Nashville Wednesday morning and they will come home Friday afternoon. He will be in very capable hands all week long!
So, what am I doing? I will have a day off tomorrow, and the end of the week will be full of nursing orientation. Nick is adamant that I continue with school. So, we, as a family, are going to do what it takes to manage all of the pieces of life. We also have a lot of extended family and friends in the area who have volunteered to make treks to Nashvegas whenever needed. Nick's health is obviously the priority, but we will try our best to carry on the rest of life as normal in the balance.
Megan said to me today, "Mom, you have got to just relax and let us help. He's our family too." I will tell you that that was not new information, but I have thought about it on and off since she said it. I have, for as long as I can remember, been so driven by feelings of responsibility...in all areas of my life. I know that there is nothing that I do in life that someone else could not do just as well or much better than I. However, if I perceive it to be my responsibility, it is very difficult to step back and turn myself off without feeling that I have shirked my responsibility or placed undue stress upon the other person. It may be part of that first born child syndrome, but it, like everything else in life, has got to be in balance to be a healthful part of life.
I do know, and would tell someone else, that we all have to both graciously give and receive. It is not easy. However, it is a balance with which I will have to become comfortable in the coming season. There is almost constantly something in my life that God has illuminated for change. He is so gracious and kind not to bring up too many things at once. He knows what each of us can handle at any given moment, and not only wants to bring up the issues to make us more like Jesus, but wants us to turn to Him as the solution as well. I am very thankful that God is not finished with me yet! It is well.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
We Have Not Been Snake Bit or Ship Wrecked!
The pancreatitis that was plaguing Nick seems to be much better today. We are still being very careful about what he eats, but he has had very little stomach pain today. YEAH!! He has been very tired today. Other than waking up to eat and visit a bit, he has slept all day. Part of that is that he is almost completely off of the prednisone (steroids). Steroids can literally shut down one's adrenal gland. So, one of our new prayer requests is that his adrenal gland gets kick started back into normal function. He also started some new oral chemo today. So, his body is tired. I'm thankful that he has been able to rest.
My brother, Scott, son-in-law, Andrew, Glenn and I built a wheel chair ramp today. Nick can certainly walk. However, there are days that pain, muscle weakness and fatigue have made it nearly impossible for him to climb stairs or walk very far. So, we are trying to be wise and make things as functional as possible. While Nick and I were at Vandy this past week they moved Glenn and I upstairs, and set up Nick's things in our bedroom downstairs. We are certainly expecting God to intervene in Nick's body. Yet, we must live while we wait for that intervention with the situational reality of the day.
Have you ever heard someone described as being so Heavenly minded that they were no earthly good? I remember having heard that saying and being very bothered by it. However, since then, I have met some folks who could accurately be described as such. (I'm not thinking of anyone particular as I write this.) Please do not misunderstand...I believe the Word from beginning to end...I believe completely in miracles, signs, wonders, healing, and all of the other ways that God impacts our lives. However, there seems to be a balance between walking in wisdom while patiently enduring, with faith, the trials of life, and the way that others not only walk out their own faith, but try to impose their zeal and consequential judgement on others.
Have you read the book of Acts lately? Wow, those guys endured...snake bites, ship wrecks, jails, stoning, threats and accusations, etc.; and all for the purpose of spreading the gospel. This omnipotent God that we serve is the same as He was all of those centuries ago. So, when we have to endure for a season or even for a lifetime, it does not mean that we are not followers of our Savior. He is faithful! I still do not necessarily understand this very difficult time, but I am determined to serve Him in the midst of it...and I am expectantly awaiting His intervention. It is well.
My brother, Scott, son-in-law, Andrew, Glenn and I built a wheel chair ramp today. Nick can certainly walk. However, there are days that pain, muscle weakness and fatigue have made it nearly impossible for him to climb stairs or walk very far. So, we are trying to be wise and make things as functional as possible. While Nick and I were at Vandy this past week they moved Glenn and I upstairs, and set up Nick's things in our bedroom downstairs. We are certainly expecting God to intervene in Nick's body. Yet, we must live while we wait for that intervention with the situational reality of the day.
Have you ever heard someone described as being so Heavenly minded that they were no earthly good? I remember having heard that saying and being very bothered by it. However, since then, I have met some folks who could accurately be described as such. (I'm not thinking of anyone particular as I write this.) Please do not misunderstand...I believe the Word from beginning to end...I believe completely in miracles, signs, wonders, healing, and all of the other ways that God impacts our lives. However, there seems to be a balance between walking in wisdom while patiently enduring, with faith, the trials of life, and the way that others not only walk out their own faith, but try to impose their zeal and consequential judgement on others.
Have you read the book of Acts lately? Wow, those guys endured...snake bites, ship wrecks, jails, stoning, threats and accusations, etc.; and all for the purpose of spreading the gospel. This omnipotent God that we serve is the same as He was all of those centuries ago. So, when we have to endure for a season or even for a lifetime, it does not mean that we are not followers of our Savior. He is faithful! I still do not necessarily understand this very difficult time, but I am determined to serve Him in the midst of it...and I am expectantly awaiting His intervention. It is well.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Not All Weeds Are Flowers
I feel a little guilty trying to classify days as "good" and "not good." I mean...who am I to say that what the Lord has given us ("This is the day that the Lord has made...") is not good. I will say, however, that we received lots of news today that was not good by my definitions.
Nick did not sleep at all last night. I don't simply mean that he was a bit restless. I mean that he did not go to sleep at all. He started having stomach and chest pains just before dinner last night. The pain became increasingly severe, and by about 4 o'clock this morning he was in real distress. When we got to the hospital they did blood work and determined that he has pancreatitis. He did not get his scheduled chemo nor the lumbar puncture that was originally scheduled for yesterday.
The results also came back from his bone marrow biopsy and the MRI that they ran last night. The biopsy was not clean (still shows leukemia cells,) and the MRI showed 4 spine fractures. We will be going to see an endocrinologist and an orthopedic surgeon to get his spinal issues assessed, and there will likely be a bone marrow transplant sometime in the next 3 to 4 months. We were told that his sisters, Amanda & Megan, will be the most likely transplant donors. If the girls do not match they will test Glenn & I next, then younger extended family members first, followed by older family. Non family would be a resource only if there were not willing, matching family members. I want to stress to family and friends alike that we will not be expecting this of any of you! The risk is low for the donor. However, it is not something that ANYONE needs to feel coerced to do. God will provide what we need...even the right bone marrow donor...if that's what we end up needing.
Of course I had no idea what this day would hold when it began, but God, in His sweet and gentle way, started talking to me about how I defined things on the way to the hospital this morning. Between the Hope Lodge and Vanderbilt, less than 2 miles, there is an abandoned lot surrounded by a broken down, chain linked fence. It looks out of place amongst the upscale restaurants, banks, and various other examples of re-claimed and modernized architecture. In the middle of the unkempt grass in this lot is a beautiful patch of bright blue flowers...as blue as a sapphire reflecting sun light. They caught my eye, and in that moment God began preparing me for the day.
I thought about the fact that those flowers, as they grew, would certainly be classified as weeds. They weren't much taller than the grass and would certainly be mown down as soon as the neighborhood began to notice that the grass was too high. However, in the hands of a skilled florist or anyone with a bud vase, they would be an eye-catching joy. I love fresh flowers, and have frequently stopped by the side of a road to pick a handful of treasures for my kitchen table. Weed...or...treasure?
The news that we received today did not sound good. It did not produce joy or hope. On the contrary, it produced tears and sadness. But it, like my beautiful weeds, changes in effect when I look at it in a different way. The words from Nick's doctor this morning are in no way what we wanted to hear, but along with the negative findings we also heard at least the beginnings of a plan to make it better. Our son is alive, and we are enjoying spending time with him that we probably would not have spent were his body well. We are watching God change our perspective of just about everything in life. We are watching God fulfill promises and faithfully carry us through things that we could not have gone through in our own strength.
Not all weeds are flowers, but some are. It is well.
Nick did not sleep at all last night. I don't simply mean that he was a bit restless. I mean that he did not go to sleep at all. He started having stomach and chest pains just before dinner last night. The pain became increasingly severe, and by about 4 o'clock this morning he was in real distress. When we got to the hospital they did blood work and determined that he has pancreatitis. He did not get his scheduled chemo nor the lumbar puncture that was originally scheduled for yesterday.
The results also came back from his bone marrow biopsy and the MRI that they ran last night. The biopsy was not clean (still shows leukemia cells,) and the MRI showed 4 spine fractures. We will be going to see an endocrinologist and an orthopedic surgeon to get his spinal issues assessed, and there will likely be a bone marrow transplant sometime in the next 3 to 4 months. We were told that his sisters, Amanda & Megan, will be the most likely transplant donors. If the girls do not match they will test Glenn & I next, then younger extended family members first, followed by older family. Non family would be a resource only if there were not willing, matching family members. I want to stress to family and friends alike that we will not be expecting this of any of you! The risk is low for the donor. However, it is not something that ANYONE needs to feel coerced to do. God will provide what we need...even the right bone marrow donor...if that's what we end up needing.
Of course I had no idea what this day would hold when it began, but God, in His sweet and gentle way, started talking to me about how I defined things on the way to the hospital this morning. Between the Hope Lodge and Vanderbilt, less than 2 miles, there is an abandoned lot surrounded by a broken down, chain linked fence. It looks out of place amongst the upscale restaurants, banks, and various other examples of re-claimed and modernized architecture. In the middle of the unkempt grass in this lot is a beautiful patch of bright blue flowers...as blue as a sapphire reflecting sun light. They caught my eye, and in that moment God began preparing me for the day.
I thought about the fact that those flowers, as they grew, would certainly be classified as weeds. They weren't much taller than the grass and would certainly be mown down as soon as the neighborhood began to notice that the grass was too high. However, in the hands of a skilled florist or anyone with a bud vase, they would be an eye-catching joy. I love fresh flowers, and have frequently stopped by the side of a road to pick a handful of treasures for my kitchen table. Weed...or...treasure?
The news that we received today did not sound good. It did not produce joy or hope. On the contrary, it produced tears and sadness. But it, like my beautiful weeds, changes in effect when I look at it in a different way. The words from Nick's doctor this morning are in no way what we wanted to hear, but along with the negative findings we also heard at least the beginnings of a plan to make it better. Our son is alive, and we are enjoying spending time with him that we probably would not have spent were his body well. We are watching God change our perspective of just about everything in life. We are watching God fulfill promises and faithfully carry us through things that we could not have gone through in our own strength.
Not all weeds are flowers, but some are. It is well.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Ridiculously Comfortable
Nick just said to me, "I'm ridiculously comfortable." This has been a long day, but a very good one. We are, at this moment, reclining in our recliners in our chemo infusion cubby room.
We left home at 7:00 this morning, and arrived at the chemo lab a bit after 9:00. After drawing labs we went to the oncologists office. As I wrote on Facebook, Nick's clotting factors were still below the basement, but they felt that the bone marrow biopsy had to be done. So, we came to the infusion lab to get more clotting factors...then back upstairs for the biopsy. The biopsy usually takes about 1/2 hour, but a full hour ticked by before he was returned to me. It took a bit longer to get the bleeding under control, but all is well. Then we quickly made our way to the cafeteria, where we consumed mass quantities of Chinese food and sushi. Sushi from a hospital cafeteria?? (gasp implied) Yes, and it was wonderful!
So, here we are. Nick is now asleep. They sat him in a comfy recliner, gave him several pre-chemo meds and a warm blanket. Sleep has ensued. These new drugs are a further endeavor into the unknown, but I guess that that is just part of the adventure.
Later, we will be checking into the Hope Lodge...what a huge blessing!!! The Hope Lodge is a hotel sponsored by the American Cancer Society. It is completely cost free accommodations for cancer patients receiving treatment at Vanderbilt. They usually stay booked up, but we got in. I'm so very thankful!! The cleanliness standards for the Hope Lodge have to be such that transplant patients are safe there. So, they not only have comfortable accommodations, WiFi, cable, a gym provided by the Tennessee Titans, and many more amenities, but it is a hotel that is clean like no other. It is most certainly part of our God given provision for the week!
Why do any of us spend even a moment worrying over the provision for our days? Can anyone tell me how worry and doubt can even possibly benefit us? We spend our time pondering which shoes to buy...brand name or no-name noodles at Kroger...we drive 10 miles out of our way to save $0.01/gallon on gas...we haggle and fuss over the most silly things (even within the body of Christ.) Why is that? Really!!! Why is that?
It is because we make choices that we perceive to be profitable for ourselves. Yes, wisdom does dictate that we make wise choices with the resources that God gives us. We should spend our money wisely, but why is it that we so frivolously spend our time on worry. Worry is not profitable...to us...or to the kingdom of God.
When I was a little girl my Mom had a Bible study for kids in our home. I don't remember the name of the group, but I do remember one of the songs that we sang. It goes like this:
Why worry...when you can pray
Trust Jesus...He'll be your stay
Don't be a doubting Thomas
Rest fully on His promise
Why worry, worry, worry, worry
When you can pray
I know that not knowing the tune lessens the impact of this little song, but it was really effective ringing in my ears this morning. Next time you see me or my Mom ...just ask...you can have the tune in your head too.
Regardless of the concerns on your heart today, please don't spend your time worrying. Pray and go on with your day. It is well!
We left home at 7:00 this morning, and arrived at the chemo lab a bit after 9:00. After drawing labs we went to the oncologists office. As I wrote on Facebook, Nick's clotting factors were still below the basement, but they felt that the bone marrow biopsy had to be done. So, we came to the infusion lab to get more clotting factors...then back upstairs for the biopsy. The biopsy usually takes about 1/2 hour, but a full hour ticked by before he was returned to me. It took a bit longer to get the bleeding under control, but all is well. Then we quickly made our way to the cafeteria, where we consumed mass quantities of Chinese food and sushi. Sushi from a hospital cafeteria?? (gasp implied) Yes, and it was wonderful!
So, here we are. Nick is now asleep. They sat him in a comfy recliner, gave him several pre-chemo meds and a warm blanket. Sleep has ensued. These new drugs are a further endeavor into the unknown, but I guess that that is just part of the adventure.
Later, we will be checking into the Hope Lodge...what a huge blessing!!! The Hope Lodge is a hotel sponsored by the American Cancer Society. It is completely cost free accommodations for cancer patients receiving treatment at Vanderbilt. They usually stay booked up, but we got in. I'm so very thankful!! The cleanliness standards for the Hope Lodge have to be such that transplant patients are safe there. So, they not only have comfortable accommodations, WiFi, cable, a gym provided by the Tennessee Titans, and many more amenities, but it is a hotel that is clean like no other. It is most certainly part of our God given provision for the week!
Why do any of us spend even a moment worrying over the provision for our days? Can anyone tell me how worry and doubt can even possibly benefit us? We spend our time pondering which shoes to buy...brand name or no-name noodles at Kroger...we drive 10 miles out of our way to save $0.01/gallon on gas...we haggle and fuss over the most silly things (even within the body of Christ.) Why is that? Really!!! Why is that?
It is because we make choices that we perceive to be profitable for ourselves. Yes, wisdom does dictate that we make wise choices with the resources that God gives us. We should spend our money wisely, but why is it that we so frivolously spend our time on worry. Worry is not profitable...to us...or to the kingdom of God.
When I was a little girl my Mom had a Bible study for kids in our home. I don't remember the name of the group, but I do remember one of the songs that we sang. It goes like this:
Why worry...when you can pray
Trust Jesus...He'll be your stay
Don't be a doubting Thomas
Rest fully on His promise
Why worry, worry, worry, worry
When you can pray
I know that not knowing the tune lessens the impact of this little song, but it was really effective ringing in my ears this morning. Next time you see me or my Mom ...just ask...you can have the tune in your head too.
Regardless of the concerns on your heart today, please don't spend your time worrying. Pray and go on with your day. It is well!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Shalom
Shalom...nothing missing...nothing broken. As I understand it, shalom, is a word that is used in the Hebrew tradition as a greeting, a parting comment, and much more. Simply translated it means peace, but not just peace as the typical English speaking person might define it. In Biblical Hebrew it literally means complete and total wholeness. In short...nothing missing...nothing broken. When used as "hello" and "goodbye" one is literally speaking the blessing of unimaginable peace over the life of the hearer.
As I pondered this word today I started asking God how it is possible for any life on earth to have shalom. Our lives could never have been defined in natural terms as having nothing missing or nothing broken. Yet, peace abounds. Each of our lives carries the same story. From day to day there are numerous things, people, and emotions that are missing, and even more that are broken. Yet, peace abounds.
The shalom of the Old Testament seems to be one in the long line of prophetic pointers toward our Prince of Peace (Sar Shalom,) Jesus. How can there be nothing missing, nothing broken? The only answer, that I know, is that completely indescribable peace that comes from knowing that someone so much greater than I is in charge. The New Testament calls it the "peace that passes understanding."
One of my high school friends lost her son yesterday. Just days before, she wrote to me about the "peace that passes understanding." I'm so thankful to know that in this time of heart-breaking loss, she knows that peace and the One who provides it.
We have never been promised that this life will have any measure of physical shalom. Conversely, the peace that we have been promised is the peace that does not make natural sense. This peace is the peace that lasts and that is not shaken by life. However, it affects everything in our lives.
My prayer for you today is...Shalom. Because of Sar Shalom...It is well.
As I pondered this word today I started asking God how it is possible for any life on earth to have shalom. Our lives could never have been defined in natural terms as having nothing missing or nothing broken. Yet, peace abounds. Each of our lives carries the same story. From day to day there are numerous things, people, and emotions that are missing, and even more that are broken. Yet, peace abounds.
The shalom of the Old Testament seems to be one in the long line of prophetic pointers toward our Prince of Peace (Sar Shalom,) Jesus. How can there be nothing missing, nothing broken? The only answer, that I know, is that completely indescribable peace that comes from knowing that someone so much greater than I is in charge. The New Testament calls it the "peace that passes understanding."
One of my high school friends lost her son yesterday. Just days before, she wrote to me about the "peace that passes understanding." I'm so thankful to know that in this time of heart-breaking loss, she knows that peace and the One who provides it.
We have never been promised that this life will have any measure of physical shalom. Conversely, the peace that we have been promised is the peace that does not make natural sense. This peace is the peace that lasts and that is not shaken by life. However, it affects everything in our lives.
My prayer for you today is...Shalom. Because of Sar Shalom...It is well.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Hope on a Rope
Wow...there's lots to catch up. We went to Vanderbilt yesterday expecting for it to be bone marrow biopsy day. However, Nick had had the chemo infusion during the week before that had negative effects on his blood's ability to clot during previous rounds. When we got the labs back yesterday we found that his clotting factors were too low to measure...which made it totally unsafe to poke a big hole in his back. So, he instead got an infusion of cryoprecipitate (which boosts his clotting factors), and we came home.
I guess that this past week has been one the most difficult yet. He has felt horrible. Although, I am very happy to report that he is feeling fairly well today. We have laughed and he has been able to move better today than in the recent past. We even made pancakes this morning. I spiked them with vanilla Boost because his protein levels are not where they need to be, and every little bit helps. He remarked that they were very tasty, and asked if I had added some vanilla. I said "yes," but waited until he was finished to reveal the secret ingredient.
Right now we are waiting in the E.R. at Jackson General. When Nick got out of the shower this morning he had what appeared to be a stretch mark on his side. He has gotten some small stretch marks from the swelling caused by steroids, but this is a monster. It was about 6" X 1", very deep bloody purple, and it was oozing blood. Given the fact that his clotting factors are low, this was not a good sight. I called Vanderbilt, and they instructed to go to the ER...do not pass go...do not collect $200 (I added that last part for effect.) So, here we are. Hopefully we will just get some more cryo and head home. For the first time in a long time Nick wants to go out and eat. So, I really hope that he gets to do that tonight.
This coming Monday morning we have to be back at Vanderbilt bright and early for labs and another stab (pun intended) at the bone marrow biopsy. We are hoping and praying that whenever he does actually get the biopsy that it is completely clean. Regardless of the biopsy timing and results, he will start receiving the next chemo drugs dictated by the protocol on Tuesday. They will be given four days in a row. So, we will be in Nashville from Monday thru Friday next week. He has also lost two inches in height since this all started. So, they will be doing an MRI of his complete spine next week as well. His oncologist is suspicious of some spine fractures (just another point to pray about!) I have been speaking to his dry bones, "LIVE!!"
A couple of blogs ago I wrote about not being at the end of my rope. It was a picture that God had given me. Then a couple of days later I went to the Bible study that I attend on Tuesdays, and the teacher brought out something so sweet!
The word in the above scripture that is translated "hope" is the picture of a rope. When Jesus rose again he entered the Holy of Holies and anchored that hope in the very presence of the Father. Isn't that a sweet picture. Coupled with what God showed me about the knots in my rope...You and I, and everyone who is following Jesus is moving up that rope...anchored by the very hope of Jesus Himself.
We serve a risen Savior, Whose anchor does not fail! It is well!
I guess that this past week has been one the most difficult yet. He has felt horrible. Although, I am very happy to report that he is feeling fairly well today. We have laughed and he has been able to move better today than in the recent past. We even made pancakes this morning. I spiked them with vanilla Boost because his protein levels are not where they need to be, and every little bit helps. He remarked that they were very tasty, and asked if I had added some vanilla. I said "yes," but waited until he was finished to reveal the secret ingredient.
Right now we are waiting in the E.R. at Jackson General. When Nick got out of the shower this morning he had what appeared to be a stretch mark on his side. He has gotten some small stretch marks from the swelling caused by steroids, but this is a monster. It was about 6" X 1", very deep bloody purple, and it was oozing blood. Given the fact that his clotting factors are low, this was not a good sight. I called Vanderbilt, and they instructed to go to the ER...do not pass go...do not collect $200 (I added that last part for effect.) So, here we are. Hopefully we will just get some more cryo and head home. For the first time in a long time Nick wants to go out and eat. So, I really hope that he gets to do that tonight.
This coming Monday morning we have to be back at Vanderbilt bright and early for labs and another stab (pun intended) at the bone marrow biopsy. We are hoping and praying that whenever he does actually get the biopsy that it is completely clean. Regardless of the biopsy timing and results, he will start receiving the next chemo drugs dictated by the protocol on Tuesday. They will be given four days in a row. So, we will be in Nashville from Monday thru Friday next week. He has also lost two inches in height since this all started. So, they will be doing an MRI of his complete spine next week as well. His oncologist is suspicious of some spine fractures (just another point to pray about!) I have been speaking to his dry bones, "LIVE!!"
A couple of blogs ago I wrote about not being at the end of my rope. It was a picture that God had given me. Then a couple of days later I went to the Bible study that I attend on Tuesdays, and the teacher brought out something so sweet!
Hebrews 6:18-20 (NIV)
18 God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. 19 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20 where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.
The word in the above scripture that is translated "hope" is the picture of a rope. When Jesus rose again he entered the Holy of Holies and anchored that hope in the very presence of the Father. Isn't that a sweet picture. Coupled with what God showed me about the knots in my rope...You and I, and everyone who is following Jesus is moving up that rope...anchored by the very hope of Jesus Himself.
We serve a risen Savior, Whose anchor does not fail! It is well!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Positive is Positive
Today has been a better day than yesterday...and positive is positive! It really is amazing how one's priorities change with big life events. He has had a good bit of pain today. However, I went upstairs earlier and Nick was playing a game on one of his hand-held gaming devices. (How lame do I sound? I don't even know what the device is called.) I was so happy to see that! He hasn't even played on his computer in several weeks. Wow...talk about a change in perspective...before this adventure I would have seen him playing and wished that he were doing something else. Now I'm just glad that he is enjoying something.
We really need the prayer warriors to be on alert over the next couple of days. This Thursday we go back to Vanderbilt for a bone marrow biopsy. This one really, really needs to be free of leukemia on the flow cytometry testing. If cells are still found after Thursday the next step may be bone marrow transplant. We know in our knowers that the final outcome of this all will be O.K., but we are believing that we won't have to go through this potential next step. Regardless of the report at the end of the week, we know that God is in charge! It is well.
We really need the prayer warriors to be on alert over the next couple of days. This Thursday we go back to Vanderbilt for a bone marrow biopsy. This one really, really needs to be free of leukemia on the flow cytometry testing. If cells are still found after Thursday the next step may be bone marrow transplant. We know in our knowers that the final outcome of this all will be O.K., but we are believing that we won't have to go through this potential next step. Regardless of the report at the end of the week, we know that God is in charge! It is well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)